burtpies' Blog

hmmm do you want a soul mate or a WL to fall in love with you???

Don't believe in soul mates and don't want a WL to fall in love with me. I just want someone who cares for me as me not a client.

I love reading blogs...because you get to glimpse the human mind behind the body.....

So firstly thank you for letting me glimpse your life and how you feel.

 

There are many reasons people don't or can't facilitate a relationship ie: shyness, not edgy enough,can't commit and many others.

 

For me it's always been .......I don't want to depend on someone else income to live, not too mention the fact of what I do for a living......

 

So I wish you luck.......and remember the right person for you ,will know and love you for you no matter what personality you have.......the whole bad boy persona dosnt win out in the end, they end up divorced or end up shagging a bunch of girls with mess all over the place.

 

My motto is....... We all have an emotional bank account that needs filling......make sure they tick most of the boxes, the ones they don't tick will grow smaller over time.

 

Xxxx.

Thanks Taylor, great to get a female view point. I agree with your motto, I just need to have more in my emotional account at the moment I think. It is a bit empty and It's hard to fill over and over again.

Thanks for sharing this Burt. There are no easy answers to these questions, but sometimes it helps to write things down.

 

One thing to remember: This is not a uniquely male problem. There are plenty of women who go through their lives unsatisfied in this way too, and they (for the most part) don't have the option of punting. So it's not a conspiracy of womankind directed against you personally. There is no conspiracy. We're all just people, trying to find our own little share of happiness.

 

I am single too, and about the same age as you. I've never been married. I doubt I ever will be, although you never know. I have had some very positive romantic experiences, but they didn't work out in the end. I'm actually fine with that. On the rare occasions it gets me down, I find it useful to pursue other ways of connecting meaningfully with other people, outside of a romantic context. Being useful to another human being helps you to see yourself in a more positive light.

Sorry my early comment wasn't meant to be negative...

 

 

Picking up on Ishmael's point there are a lot of women, out there that feel just like you... seriously... why don't you try internet dating while being totally upfront about your shyness and how that gets in the road... you still have to find someone that you're compatible with but at least you let them know what to expect... I think you will be surprised.

 

BTW - I do believe in soul mates ... but you can't always find them and worse you can't always keep them... but then I am just a romantic fool...!

Thanks Jakeson, I didn't take it to be negative no probs.

My next blog entry is going to be about the trials of Internet and dating agencies, and boy do I have something to say about that.

I don't want people to think I'm negative myself, in fact just the opposite, I'm just now coming out of my shell and I have a lot to say.

It's how youre looking at yourself. I was getting a ticket last night and listening to this guy prattle on about how he had an apithany and how tonight he was going to pick up because his attitude has changed. Changed from thinking what would a Girl see in him to what wouldn't a girl see in him. It's was a ludicrous spiel to impress the girl he was with and she kept saying to him it's a drunken apithany and it won't be such a revelation in the morning ie when he wakes up alone. I turned to the person I was with and said is he trying to convince himself or the girl he is with! God if you're that desperate pay for it.

 

Women smell desperation and bitterness. If you give off even an ounce of what you've just said in the blog girls are going to be repulsed. I don't mean to hurt your feelings. It's much like being a working girl - you have to fake the confidence to make it. And you have to get rid of your no go lists ( trust me behind every man like you secretly there is a man who is very picky with the women he chooses and then he wonders why he left with no one). Perhaps because you punt you set yourself up for failure. When you're a big girl in a standard parlour you have to fit the ideal, you have to friendly, nicer, more accepting of every client becuse you don't get enough to have the luxury of choice. And you have to be more meticiously groomed. You have to be the most bubbily and friendliest woman in the whole dam place to stick out in a good way. Doesn't matter if you're shy, sad, or scared and intimidated, you're so and so, in my case Megan, and you need fake it to make it to cinch the guy in a competaive enviroment. If you were prepared to change your attitude and presentation you'd find your stocks increase dramatically

 

For instance would you date a woman with small children from another relationship? Every man can pull a single mother.

Here here Burt. I can totally relate to everything you've said. I'm another one who if it weren't for WLs and punting I'd still be a virgin.<BR><BR>Being consigned to the Friend Bin really drives me cookoo. I bet to that they're the same women who complain that they can't find themselves a nice guy, Well ladies they're all in the Friend Bin where you left them.

I'm in a similar situation to you.. like you I have never had a girlfriend.. I am 30.. only I am holding onto my virginity. Yes I do punt, but I don't have full service. At first it was just strippers and light bondage, but then started working my way up (ie hand relief, oral etc..). And yes, I will be punting until I get a gf.

I just want someone who cares for me as me not a client.

 

So here is the hard question: do you want to be with someone, for them, or for what they do for yourself confidence?

 

When you're in that head space it's all pathological you're more interested in yourself then having a good time and appreciating the company you're with

The St Francis prayer is (in part):

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

 

I don't live up to this ideal (I am quite a selfish person), but I find that even reading these words causes a shift in my my perceptions.

I just want someone who cares for me as me not a client.

 

So here is the hard question: do you want to be with someone, for them, or for what they do for yourself confidence?

 

When you're in that head space it's all pathological you're more interested in yourself then having a good time and appreciating the company you're with

 

Look of course I'm there for me but having said that I always appreciate the company, I want the person I'm with to have a good time. Not for my satisfaction of saying "she had a good time with me what a guy I am" but I want people to be happy, including myself. This can not be a bad thing.

Focus on the good stuff in your life Burtpies! Enjoy and make the most of what you do have to be happy and content - the more you can master that then the more people will be attracted to you and want to be with you. Sort of what Megan said really. Here is some bedtime reading for you.

 

There is some kiss we want with

 

our whole lives, the touch of

 

spirit on the body. Seawater

 

begs the pearl to break its shell.

 

And the lily, how passionately

 

it needs some wild darling! At

 

night, I open the window and ask the moon

 

to come and press its face against mine.

 

Breathe into me. Close the language door and

 

open the love window. The moon

 

won’t use the door, only the window…

 

 

 

In the early morning hour,

 

just before dawn, lover and beloved awake

 

and take a drink of water.

 

 

She asks, Do you love me or yourself more?

 

Really, tell me the absolute truth.

 

 

He says, There is nothing left of me.

 

I am like a ruby held up to the sunrise.

 

Is it still a stone, or a world

 

made of redness? It has no resistance

 

to sunlight. The ruby and the sunrise are one.

 

Be courageous and discipline yourself.

 

 

Work. Keep digging your well.

 

Don't think about getting off from work.

 

Submit to a daily practice.

 

Your loyalty to that is a ring on the door.

 

 

Keep knocking, and the joy inside

 

will eventually open a window

 

and look out to see who's there.

 

 

Rumi

Totally did not mean for that to take up so much space. Oops!

I just want someone who cares for me as me not a client.

So here is the hard question: do you want to be with someone, for them, or for what they do for yourself confidence?When you're in that head space it's all pathological you're more interested in yourself then having a good time and appreciating the company you're with

Look of course I'm there for me but having said that I always appreciate the company, I want the person I'm with to have a good time. Not for my satisfaction of saying "she had a good time with me what a guy I am" but I want people to be happy, including myself. This can not be a bad thing.

 

 

You've answered your question yourself.

 

Until you say you're not there for me foremostly you will remain

single.

 

 

If you're not an alpha male you have to play the sensitive nice guy and being patholocal about you because that's the realm of alpha males, makes the nice guy routine sound insincere and not worth being with. Girls thibk he won't bring anything extra to the relationship if it moves past friendship. Because there are thousands of wanna be nice guys. That's why you're a friend and not a lover.

You have to get in her head, tease her with what you can offer ( sensitive guy equals adoration nd romance, alpha lust and excitement) and then make her to make the first move... Because she wants what youve got. No woman wants a wimp. At least not until the crazy fuzzy honey moon is over.

trust me behind every man like you secretly there is a man who is very picky with the women he chooses and then he wonders why he left with no one

 

trust me behind every woman man like you secretly there is a woman man who is very picky with the women men she chooses and then she wonders why she left with no one an asshole that treats her like shit.

sorry, megan, i had to give the flipside

trust me behind every man like you secretly there is a man who is very picky with the women he chooses and then he wonders why he left with no one

trust me behind every woman man like you secretly there is a woman man who is very picky with the women men she chooses and then she wonders why she left with no one an asshole that treats her like shit.sorry, megan, i had to give the flipside

 

 

I agree but I think past a certian age most women in their forties are less picky, where as men tend to get more picker

I should probably add the reason most women get stuck with an asshole isn't because they are picky, it's becuse they don't leave when he first shows his asshole side. It's more of a I can't do any better so I'll stick with the asshole I know

Never change who you are, there are billions of people out there, sometimes it seems like youll never find what your looking for and that can be a real drag but the bright side is that you have your values, your confident enough to be honest and thats a rare quality. Its important to never try and be something your not because imagine someone did fall in love with you and then found out you are not you? They would hightail it outta there pretty quick. And the last most important peice of wisdom id like to impart on you is that you have to love yourself first because if you dont love you how can you expect someone else to?

P.s, someone who gets what theyve always dreamed of only to lose it again is far worse off than someone who never had it in the first place.

Girls also want men. You must grab some courage, and close the deal with a non WL one day. x

I think it's harder as you get older as you become too fussy. Same with girls. 40 year old girls go for younger men and 40+ year old men are attracted to younger women. So nothing much happens. Being in a relationship is not the be all and end all. It can be nice to start off with but then when you start to settle down you realise that you're not any happier than you were before. You start to talk less. The sex is magic to start off with then after 2 years, or less with the same woman you get bored. Do you see many happy couples after 5 years of marriage, if they last that long?

 

Punting is the easy way out and can make you even fussier because it's so easy to find any attractive beautiful girl who will take you as you are as long as you treat her nice and have the cash! Very hard to move away from that, I can tell you now!

 

If you seriously want a girl there are plenty of Asian girls who would marry a western man. Most want a better life in a better place. If you are serious about getting a girlfriend. I would give up punting and start socialising instead. If that's what you really want. If you don't find a girlfriend at least you may find some new friends. There is always someone out there. Try placing an ad in different language newspapers.

 

I myself have been in a long relationship years ago that tore me apart and I always feel better if I can just go out and see who ever I like. I would rather pay for some company. I have had offers to get married to help someone out. But I have a hard time trusting anyone these days!

That's it dr box every man can get an Asian lol