A PARLOUR SURVIVAL GUIDE
Entry posted by Roxanne Wilde
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Some people have no clue as to what behaviour is expected of them when they come to a parlour. I've made the job easier & hope this corrects any misconceptions people may have about what is ok under the red light.
INTROS:
1. Don't feel entitled to grope or ask for a flash of whatever - it simply paints you as a rude pig;
2. Don't feel obliged to comment on a girl's assets or lack thereof - it DOESN'T win friends or influence ppl;
3. Don't try to haggle over price - you are not in Bali;
4. Don't question why some girls do some fantasies & others don't - would you like it up your butt? Well don't interrogate girls who don't like it either;
5. Don't turn up drunk or high - the respect factor plummets the second you fall over, pass out &/or throw up.
6. We don't care if your particularly good looking. Some of us have pretty spunky BFs too, so don't try to use it as leverage for 'sweeties'.
BOOKINGS:
1. If the condom isn't on, IT isn't on;
2. If you bite, prepare to be bitten back. Same applies to slapping, hair pulling, pinching & other assorted feral behaviour;
3. Having a shower is not just a courtesy, it's a health requirement;
4. The same applies to a health check. If you kick up a stink, up comes a little red flag;
5. A WL's personal life is HER personal life. If she offers information, that's her perogative. Don't try to bully or coerce;6. A booking is NOT road testing or a speed date. She's not a potential GF & probably won't be interested in seeing you outside. So save yourself the potential embarrassment & DON'T ASK.
After I wrote my basic etiquette guide for brothel goers, I realised I'd neglected my sisters in the trenches. These are a few golden rules for inner harmony & happiness whilst working in brothel.
I've learnt most of these rules myself through bitter, hard-earnt experience:
RULE No. 1: If it works for you, fuck everyone else. Your intro is just that - YOUR INTRO;
RULE No. 2: NEVER BACK DOWN. A bully is never prepared for you to stand up to her. If you give in to one, you give in to all;
RULE No. 3: Never lend money. Yeah, they didn't make a cent & they have rent to pay, formula to buy, a habit to feed, blah blah blah. You open a vein for one, they will come from everywhere to feed;
RULE No. 4: Never tell too much about your private life. Blackmail is a horrible thing, along with vindictiveness;
RULE No. 5: Never lend your clothes, makeup or CDs, unless you're willing to give them away;
RULE No.6: A liar is just that... A pathological liar (ie., for instance thieving) will happily lie to your face without blinking an eyelid. If your instinct kicks in, TRUST YOUR GUT & DON'T GET INVOLVED;
RULE No.7: Never date a client. It will only end in tears, if not bloodshed & the wail of a police/ambulance/fire engine siren. If you have to, NEVER tell your fellow workers unless you want the world to know;
RULE No.8: Only do doubles with girls you know & trust. This goes beyond a shift or two. Remember, the whole scene will be retold in graphic detail to others WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND;
RULE No. 9: Don't talk about important issues or people to others in da lingo (ie., NOT English). If you're unlucky, you'll get sprung;
RULE No.10: Choose your inner circle wisely. Any allegiance or fleeting friendship with an enemy could prove to be a political catastrophe;
RULE No.11: If you're doing well & others aren't, be prepared to be accused of all sorts of scallywag behaviour in order to explain your good run. I find that the uglier (inside & out) the person, the harder it is for them to grasp concepts such as 'a winning personality' & 'charisma to burn'.
FINALLY... They ARE all out to get you. Think for yourself, & act with your own best interests in mind. Would you trust these people with your car, your money or your children? Then don't for a minute think that they would with you, either.
Don't get me wrong - 5 of my BEST friends all worked with me in a brothel. But then, so did some of my greatest enemies.
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