ODE to the NICE GIRLS
Entry posted by Roxanne Wilde
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Those in the know will recall there have been several occasions when I've severed ties with a certain duplicitous ex. Usually, some poor unsuspecting 'nice girl' has suffered through his deception - girls who are naive, chaste & sickeningly 'nice'.
A hardcore bad girl like me instinctively holds contempt for those too nice to fire back. Instead of telling me where to go & how to get there, the nice girls crumpled into a sobbing heap on the end of the telephone. It makes me wonder if they regularly fall to pieces whenever drama rumbles onto the horizon. They'd be useless in a crisis, & a liability in matters of life or death. I initially pondered what the hell the attraction was for him.
I mean, wouldn't such pieces of lightweight fluff simply bore him to death??? Then, it dawned on me... a nice girl is the complete polar opposite of me.
Remember, I was the evil woman.
I was also in control of my ego enough to realise that they were merely innocent pawns in his pathetic excuse for a life. They naturally assumed that this guy really was as kind, sweet & caring as he made himself out to bE. He was quite adept at painting himself as a shy, sweet boy who simply oozed a loving, caring personality.
They were too nice to see the immature, selfish, misogynistic brat beneath the mask. His dismissal of their feelings spurred me to pay them homage. Unlike me, these girls were the martyrs of their own good natures & sweet dispositions. Like Little Red Riding Hood skipping along the forest trail with carefree abandon, they didn't sense the danger lurking in the shadows...
There are many nice girls out there, sweet butterflies without a cushion for their fall. Unlike a crazy tigermoth such as myself - raised on chaos and conditioned to expect the worst - they are ill-prepared for their aerial disaster. Instead, the betrayal plummets them into a mortally wounded death spiral. Their gossamer wings rip apart as they beat a tattoo of sorrow and betrayal against the cold air.
*flap* *flap*
I've never really considered the plight of the nice girl. The nice girl has always been a hated childhood spectre conjuered up adults, an example of how my very existence was simply unacceptable. They were the snotty nosed Anglican boarding school girls at the train station, the straw boaters jauntily perched upon their sneering heads. I loathed them intensely, pledged myself to their downfall, & aimed to collect their scalps for my own dark allegiance to gothic alienation.
It resulted in many harsh words, tripping up several highly-seeded adversaries on a shaky train carriage, and whacking the sour face of an obnoxious prefect with my schoolbag in a memorable station carpark confrontation.
Ahhh, the memories.
*wistful smile*
I digress...
This is my tribute to the harmless butterflies: the nice girls. Nice girls are always the last picked for the school dance. That's because they are so desperate for some recognition from the boys of their desire that they will accept being friends and nothing more. These girls are the ones who spend hours dissecting their looks, personalities, and actions because they must be the ones that are doing something wrong.
This is about girls who don't fuck on the first date. The ones who can't play mind games. They provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've no doubt heard a thousand times before. They understand that they aren't perfect, but they won't hear it when told the guys they are interested in aren't, either. These are girls who flirt, laugh, worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch. Somehow, they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... just maybe....maybe this time, he'll have understood.
We know them as girls who laugh loud and often. They are sweet things who are comfortable in skirts, trackie daks, uggies or combat boots. They care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. They are the ones who have watched their sisters fake up, make up and fuck up their lives for guys without a second thought... and all without back up when it counts, later.
Let's pay tribute to the girls who spend weekends watching dots on boards cut endless paths through blue waves, or chasing a piece of pigskin on a blazing hot football field. They're also the sort who play Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend, or a comatose crush. They have always 'been there', right from the beginning. Their boundless devotion is usually rewarded with abandonment, & trite words of advice. You know, throwaway sayings like, "there are plenty of fish in the sea," & "time heals all wounds." Almost as disposable as they themselves are made to feel.
Let's rally around the girls who have sad song lyrics in their facebook status lines. They're also the girls who have tried to give male friends hint after hint, only to have them chase after the first cheap Supre-wearing skank walking past in next-to-nothing. It is then that guys attempt to dupe these girls by saying they're being dumped because they're too good, too smart or too pretty. It's never, "I'm dumping you for Sallyanne, because she gives a wicked blow job & is always up for it". They have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship. It's the ultimate insult - being cushioned with nicieties, because you're considered too weak to handle the truth.
They are the ones who are told they will only ever be a designated 'friend'. You could take these girls home to mum, but you won't. It's easier to pay a whore than foster a relationship. These are the girls who have been led on by words, kisses & touches. They were either only true for as long as it took to get a shot off, or were never real to begin with.
I empathise with the girls who allow a guy to infiltrate her head, heart & bed. Only after his desire is sated do they find out that he's just not ready, he's just not over The Ex, or he's just not looking to be tied down. I know these girls want to believe the excuses. Such a familiar bullshit story, & you have to believe that he doesn't want anyone. It couldn't be that he didn't want you!
My heart goes out to the girls who have had theirs broken by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place. Their nights are spent dissecting every word, syllable and inflection in his speech, endlessly searching for the impossible answer to his impossible behaviour.
Remember the nights when you've returned home alone? They're the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, and the insult of his ever-changing, single serve skanks and whores like me. Later, the realisation dawns that maybe it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship... it was that he didn't want you!
Kudos to you for being there for him the night his dog was run over, his grandmother died, or his little brother wrote off his car. That was the night you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way, then perhaps... PERHAPS... he'd realize what it was that he already had.
Forever remember the night you realized that it would never happen... and the sunrise you saw the next morning, after a sleepless night.
Let's reflect a moment upon the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment given after you read more into a situation than he ever intended. Never forget that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those who make you cry yourself to sleep. Instead, let's celebrate the hugs you've received from your female friends. Pay tribute to the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful, intelligent, amazing & loyal. They emphasise that you are worth so much more than the scruffy sack of shit for whom you've been tragically pining over.
Most importantly, engrave in your memory the despair you all felt as you drowned in an ocean of tears.
You knew that when night fell, the only 'good time' you could depend upon was a pillow, your novelty Simpsons' bong, some killer weed & your Iphone.
We remember the girls who have been used and abused. They have endured what he was giving, because at least it was something. They can live with too little, and have learned never to expect anything more. They're numb to the stuipidity of believing something was better than nothing. However, bitter experience teaches that his something was nothing you'd have ever wanted.
They don't think they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept scraps. They're girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are. They are the ones who really know that they deserve better. Sometimes, they become brave enough to really look for it. They may never have been in love, but they all know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on.
Meanwhile, men wail and whine that girls only go for the mean ones. You know - the guys who berate them, belittle them, don't appreciate them, and eventually discard them. The nasties who use them for sex, and think of little else other than where their next conquest will be made.
Men complain that they never meet nice girls. They moan that there aren't any girls left who are compelling, intelligent, compassionate & beautiful. Men despair that no good women want to share in their lives. They wail that girls play mindgames, & love to keep them hanging.
Here is the bald truth: nice girls are everywhere. Deep down though, you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your indoor cricket match, or your struggle to get promoted at work, the effort required to actually pass your distance ed course, or that epic argument you keep having with your father.
You're looking for instant, single serve gratification. You're looking for a night when you can create a synthetic human connection... which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it. It's a time factored romance that begins with eftpos, and ends with the closed brothel exit door behind you.
Don't say you're on the lookout for a nice girl. We know you pass them over for a skank at the first flash of a shaved crotch, or a wet t-shirt titty. Sometimes, nice girls are incognito. As unfair as it may seem, they are sometimes that hottie in the bikini top & fuck-me-mini who won't answer your wolfwhistle.
Sometimes, you're looking at a nice girl in bad girl's clothing. Trust me, bad girls the world over are aghast at this duplicity as well! They might say they like the attention, They might blush and giggle, and turn back to their friends. However, they're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing my Hello Kitty T & cutoff jeans. I'll have slept alone, & I'll be making breakfast for both my hungover, slutty best friend & her gorgeous one-night stand. See through the disguise. See me."
You never do.
It's a sad fact that guys only ever see the exterior. You only see the slut who welcomes those advances, & whose spread legs scream 'open sesame!' to her Alladins Cave. You don't want the nice girl, so don't lie & say you're looking for a relationship. Relationships take time, energy and intent... three things nice girls are willing to extend. In return, they're looking for compassion, loyalty & trust... three things you never seem willing to express
Maybe nice guys finish last. But in their ridiculous race, they're chasing after the sluts and the easy options. The nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water, towels and a supportive hug. Even better, since she's a nice girl and she likes you, your sweaty stink probably won't even register a blip on her radar.
She'll be hoping against hope that maybe... just MAYBE... you'll WAKE UP and realize that she is the one you want.
Moral of the story:
Hopefully, the nasty guys will all get their wits, & realise the significance of their insignificance. Remember... one day, your world will end & she won't be there to pick you up again. Instead, she will hopefully be snuggled in the embrace of someone who truly deserves her love.
Only then you will realise what you have REALLY lost.
(This entry was inspired by a Facebook note by Jessica Leigh Griffith. It's savage, ranting velocity stoked my own creative fire. My profound thanks & gratitude remain with this beautiful butterfly... a nice girl in an ugly world.)
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