Entry posted by FlexiSexi
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Preface
Guys, I shared some of this information privately with a few of the lads and it was suggested it might be useful to put it into a review. The purpose of this review is not only about my time with Lisa but also my perspective on the demise of this once famous bordello. It's a little verbose so I've put headings and click boxes so feel free to skip over what doesn't interest you.
Click for Disclaimer
I've really struggled with this review because I've had to wrestle with my own objectivity, you'll see why. I've tried to stick only to facts and leave out the analysis, inferences and conclusions. Please make up your own minds.
Introduction
I counted this to be my lucky 13th LFG review on PP. More significantly, it was my 79th punt at this establishment over 15 years with an exemplary success rate, with many gorgeous creatures.
Click for my LFG Statistics as at October 2011
A quick check of the database shows this joint hasn't moved its price from $140 since 2003. In fact, it's only moved from $120 since 1996.
79 punts at LFG since 1996
Only won the punter raffle once - a free booking (Laura 1997)
74 x 30 minute bookings (see list below)
5 x 60 minute booking (the very beautiful Pia 2009, the very cute Tiffany 2010, the very sexy Emma English 2010, the very young Penny 2010 and last but not least the DFK specialist and interloper from the North Megan Delaney 2010)
6 times, 2 visits (Robyn 1996, Stephanie 1996 and 1999, Alison 1996 and 1999, Karen 1998, Georgia 1998 and Chrissie 2006 and 2007)
1 time, 3 visits (Emma English 2010) before she vamoosed o/s
2 times 4 visits (Charlotte 2009 2010 and all in one month Tiffany 2010 - thank God she left)
Honourable mention to Claire 1998, Jazz 2001, Siana 2006, Delilah 2007, Tina 2009, Jessie 2009 and Pia 2009 all of whom I would have liked to have shagged again
Of the 63 ladies, 63 were into kissing, 56 were into DFK, 56 DATY, 34 rimming and 46 sixty-nine.
Click for My LFG Punts 1996 to 2011
LFG/Robyn
LFG/Olivia
LFG/Carmen
LFG/Robyn
LFG/Heather
LFG/Jodi
LFG/Stephanie
LFG/Shelley
LFG/Alison
LFG/Samantha
LFG/Sophie
LFG/Lisa
LFG/Elisa
LFG/Sarah
LFG/Bobby
LFG/Shauna
LFG/Nicola
LFG/Laura
LFG/Violet
LFG/Karen
LFG/Claire
LFG/Kelly
LFG/Karen
LFG/Simmone
LFG/Georgia
LFG/Georgia
LFG/Lauren
LFG/Chris
LFG/Stephanie
LFG/Mandy
LFG/Alison
LFG/Michelle
LFG/Leah
LFG/Amanda
LFG/Donna
LFG/Montana
LFG/Diane
LFG/Virginia
LFG/Kendall
LFG/Lauren
LFG/Vanessa
LFG/Anny
LFG/Gemma
LFG/Chrissie
LFG/Talia
LFG/Siena
LFG/Samantha
LFG/Montana
LFG/Chrissie
LFG/Stevie
LFG/Delilah
LFG/Jasmine
LFG/Charlotte
LFG/Pia
LFG/Tina
LFG/Jessica
LFG/Charlotte
LFG/Charlotte
LFG/Tammy
LFG/Mia
LFG/Tina
LFG/Emma English
LFG/Emma English
LFG/Sharna
LFG/Emma English
LFG/Penny
LFG/Charlotte
LFG/Monique
LFG/Sharon
LFG/Tiffany
LFG/Tiffany
LFG/Penny
LFG/Tiffany
LFG/Tiffany
LFG/Danni
LFG/Megan Delaney
LFG/Georgia
LFG/Michelle
LFG/Lisa
Click for Background to this Punt
I was going for my usual lunchtime walk when for some inexplicable reason, lovely little TS Jennifer sprang to mind. As quickly as she came to mind she vanished, replaced with an alternative, Cromwell Manor. I made the phone call and spoke to a female receptionist who described the three trannies who were working. Sarah captured my imagination, a beautiful, very busty, well hung ranga. Done deal. To cut a long story short, later in the arvo, I fronted up at CM. No viewing fee this time. Only one trannie available, Sarah. She entered the room and looked OK. Wouldn't say beautiful but pretty enough, certainly busty. Unfortunately she had the personality that rubbed me up the wrong way.
"Hi I'm Sarah."
"Hi I'm xyz, nice to meet you."
"Do you have any questions?"
"Yeah OK, perhaps you could tell me what I might expect in booking with you."
"...... blah blah blah and no kissing."
"OK, what about oral on you ?"
"Yes that's fine, with a condom."
My thoughts on this have been documented before, suffice to say her restrictions and overall abrupt attitude left me cold. Having just wasted almost an hour of my life walking from near Edihad Stadium to CM, I now had to make my way down to Richmond station for the train trip home. Those who are geographically savvy will already see the trap.
In my last LFG review (Michelle), I spoke of how LFG and myself had parted company. I'd criticized this joint publicly, could I now face the ignominy of having to lay it out online that I'd weakened and capitulated. Maybe just do the intro then scadaddle. Ok then just intros.
A blonde, ok looking, about 30 but devoid of even a spark of personality. It wasn't shaping up at all well. Next a mature (say about 40) Thai lady who was quite curvy but a little bit plain looking. She did a good job of selling herself though, unlike the previous lass who didn't speak. Lisa volunteered BBBJTC and provided a confident pitch that she was undeniably an excellent exponent of the art. She also volunteered that "everything OK baby" meaning I believed, that there were minimal restrictions associated with her services and orifaces. I suppose I wanted to believe her, wanting LFG to be a success again. I thought to myself, even though Lisa wouldn't turn your head if you saw her on a tram, her enthusiasm may yield some good things. Couldn't hurt to give her a try for 30 minutes. The PP lads are a forgiving lot, they'll understand.
Can't even remember which room we went to. Lisa left me to shower etc and returned just as I was wrapping the towel around my waist. We stood at the end of the bed for a little cuddle and brush of the lips before I jumped on the bed and watched Lisa remove her cloths. Not too bad, reasonable sized breasts with dark nipples, tempting squeezable bottom and generally a nice, soft, womanly figure.
She climbed on top and started some kissing around my nipples then she moved up to nibble around my neck and ears. Then our first proper kiss. It was quite light, mouth barely open and short lived. Despite a couple of attempts it never got remotely passionate.
I decided to change tack, moving down to try my hand (or tongue) at some DATY. I'm not able to comment too much except as it was evidently not having any effect on Lisa. That fine, I appreciated the silent feedback, it can be a good teacher. I recall she tasted nice, just I little bit musky which is always a bonus in my view. I continued the DATY for a few more minutes enjoying the earthiness.Lisa got on top again.
Then she pulled out the connie for the BJ. I think it's fair to say, I like a BBBJ as much as the next guy but try not to make a big deal about it. I'd probably feel a bit uneasy asking for it outright but in this instance she'd offered. I said to Lisa what's the go with the condom, being naive enough to believe a deal is a deal. Then it happened
"you pay extra?"
the old punter with decades of experience had been stung. Scammed by the oldest trick in the book - hooker, line and sinker.
"Extra, you pay extra.?"
I was thinking I'm not stressed by the condom but I was really unimpressed by the lying. I told her she could carry on with the condom. Didn't bother asking how much extra she proposed. After a short while I decided we would forget about the BJ altogether, I'd lost interest. Call me sentimental, but its hard to enjoy sex with someone who has just scammed you. In fact, I was very close to dressing and leaving and in hindsight that's exactly what I should have done.
I said to her we should have sex now. Still trying to find something to salvage from what may be the worst punt in recent history. We shagged away for a few minutes until completion. It was surprisingly quick for me, normally a slow coach. I think there is an inverse correlation between the degree of hardness and the time to complete.
So I had just got my rocks off, normally a great feeling. A time to relax and share some friendly chit chat, gentle stroking and a kiss or two. Instead, I felt like crap and just wanted to leave. Maybe 15 or 20 minutes into the punt I excused myself and jumped in the shower.
I suppose we are all a little careless with the truth in a business sense:
"...the cheque is in the mail..."
"...the doctor will see you in just a moment..."
"...of course the application is fit for purpose..."
"... I'm already selling it for less than I paid for it..."
"... our people are our most important asset..."
"...everything OK baby..."
Caveat emptor.
Click for My Views on New LFG
Let's leave lying Lisa aside and bear in mind, the management here are new (new to LFG but not new to the business) and may be finding their way. Hopefully they will find this feedback helpful if they are actually astute enough to be on the forum. Having said that, they weren’t particularly interested in verbal feedback over the phone. So in a nutshell these are my concerns about LFG which have caused me to move on to greener pastures, never to return unless matters substantially improve.
- They didn’t honour the previous owners FF card – very ill conceived behaviour towards clients with a demonstrable loyalty to the place
- They gouge excessive charges for using EFPOS facilities and can’t even agree on what that charge should be
- They have a mishmash of Asian and Caucasian WL which don’t sit clearly in any particular market segment
- They have lost the key differentiator of treating clients as “special”, “individuals” with a focus on intimacy and privacy
- The entry is now under the watchful gaze of the morons who live in the apartments across the car park and seem to align their balcony drinking sessions with my visits
- They have introduced a culture of extras obtained by dishonest means
- They have lost all the famous WL who once graced the hallowed halls and creaky floors of LFG, ladies who had big reputations for good reasons
- They used to always bring the punter a cold drink, now nothing
- The used to always have deodorant and mouthwash in the showers, now nothing
- The used to have soft soap in the wall mounted dispensers (or small individual soaps) now they sit empty, replaced by a container on the floor
- Instead of attending a gentlemen’s "secret" club where they called out “coming through” to protect the client’s privacy it now feels like being in a sleazy shit hole in York Street (no offense)
- They've taken away the signs that advised punters to use the mouth wash in exchange for maximum intimacy.
- The WL themselves are more mature (not a big issues if other factors stack up), less attractive (big issues) with unattractive personalities (huge issue) than at any time in LFG history
Click for an Epilogue by Fawlty Towers (to lighten the mood)
Yank: "Don't you see what a crumby dump this is?
Mrs Prawns r Off: "I think this is the most poorly run brothel in all of Melbourne.
"Major: "NOoo, I won't have that.
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There's a place in York Street." (no offense)
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