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The A-Z guide to surviving Melbournes Sex Trade.


Witts

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A is for appetite - I am not talking food, Think of it as the appetite for cock... Women who can't stand men and penis's should be veered away from this line of work. Having no desire for sex will get you no where.

 

B is for bitching - Regardless of what Bordello you work at, there will always be that one bitch you don't even want to speak to. Don't fight but don't avoid either. While it is hard to sometimes keep you're mouth shut, It can (and usually is) the best thing that you can do. In saying this, Don't hide from the bitch, show her who's boss.

 

C is for consistancy - Men are strange things and are usually creatures of habit. If you keep moving brothels to agencys, brothels to agencys, and so forth, You will never keep that one regular that you like. The best thing you can do is be consistant. Does your favourite come in every Tuesday? Well you be there every Tuesday without fail. And when you disappear for weeks, and come back and hes with someone else, Keep your fucking mouth shut and move on.

 

D is for Diet - In this line of work, you're eating habits change quite dramatically. You will eat at strange hours, but never eat right before you have a booking. Don't want to be burping out the smell of garlic that you just ate in that delicious pizza 10 minutes ago.

 

E is for exceptional service (Good one, han... ) - Without fail, you should be at your best in every booking. This guy is paying for you and while not trying to sound like you are his sex slave, you must do what he wants (providing you are okay with it) I hate hearing about girls who treat this as job that they do when they are bored or horny. This is your job and you need to be at your very peak at the start of every booking.

 

F is for Fucking - Everyone needs to understand that not every booking involves sex. Sure, a lot of them do but usually men just want chats or hugs or to ejaculate on your stomach. It sounds abit strange going to a brothel for cuddles but that is also what we are there for, girls!

 

G is for Great Sexpectations - Men do expect good sex and the feeling of not pleasing a man is the worst a WL can feel. All I really do is make sure I am doing everything the best way I know how and theres nothing more you can do... You either do it for a man, or you don't.. No point in beating yourself up.

 

H is for Hard - This job isn't easy... People think "Oh, all you do is lay on your back and cop it" This is mildly true but thats not ALL we do. They don't call this a job for nothing.. it is hard work..

 

I is for I - Or, Me. I am doing this job and I have to enjoy this as well... Again, while trying not to sound like a mans sex slave, we have to do what the man wants BUT also be able to atleast enjoy ourselves. This can be harder than some people think... I have one client who is a little strange and all he wants to do is lick my face off, I don't enjoy it which makes my job really hard (Re: H is for Hard)

 

J is for Jbomb - my favourite. that's all.

 

K is for kissing - It's a common misconception that prostitutes don't kiss... This is bullshit. However, I do pick and choose who I kiss and who I don't. And it is completley up to the ladie whether she does this or not.

 

L is for Liposuction - I hate the fact that I've got big hips and big thighs and big everything... But this job isn't about me. Turns out, men like curvy, busty girls. While I have thought about Lipsuction, I've found more men like natural chubby girls then fake thin girls.

 

M is for My real name - Most working girls will not tell clients their name, I don't for obvious reasons and in all the time that I have been doing this, ONE client knows my real name. He is my favourite and it's fine because I KNOW HIS REAL NAME!!!

 

N is for Naughty - Being naughty will get some men off... Being naughter will turn some men off... This is why it is good to keep your naughty side out of sight until it is needed... Walking into an intro and gropping onto a mans penis is something I would clasify as naughty and really unnecesary for that particular time.. Upstairs , maybe.

 

O is for Octopus - I don't know why but.

 

P is for Period - Let's face it, most girls get their periods. And in my experience, it's not too pleasant when you forget to keep track of your "due date" and it comes out on a clear condom.... Trust me ladies, keep records.

 

Q is for Quiet - Even though men go into brothels wanting sex, they aren't usually very loud because it's sort of embaressing for them... and don't make it worse by fake screaming and bringing attention to yourself.. .Sure, sex is pleassureable but no need to make a fuckwitt out of yourself.

 

R is for Roasting - I've always found it crazy hot to be with two men at once. Call me a whore, I call you are gay, closed mind arsehole. But a lot of women have this fantasy and sometimes, in this line of work, you're fantasies become real... and it's the best!

 

S is for.. Well.. Sex... - Everyone loves sex... don't they?

 

T is for tits - Men love tits. I don't care what you say or who you say it to, men love boobs... If you have boobs, you'll make it.

 

U is for un-tidy - I recently spoke about being untidy at work to another WL. She explained that when she comes in looking like shit, men book her. when she comes in dolled up, very few bookings. I have no conclusion for this.

 

V is for virginity - As I previously mentioned, not every man comes to a brothel for sex. There are even virgins that come to brothels. It's nice, I think...

Me? Well I lost my virginity when I was 13. Whore.

 

W is for weeing - Weeing, I love that word. Perhaps I should emphasis on this meaning "Golden Showers"... I don't do them, because I find something not right about it. But hey, if you're up for it, you can charge heaps extra.... and make it being the only one who does them.

 

X is for... WTF STARTS WITH X? -

 

Y is for Y not? - This is what I thought when I first entered this trade. Why the fuck not? Besides everything, what else have I got to lose?

 

Z is for Zoo - I refer to every brothel as a Zoo.. Clients (or visitors) have the animals they enjoy going to see, the ones they are scared of, the ones who are cute, the ones who are ugly, the ones who make them feel good inside, the ones who make them tingle and the ones who could kill them....

 

 

18 Comments


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I'm really digging your posts Hannah! Some funny shit right there!!

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Thanks Hannah for the post, reading it was almost better than sex., but bought a smile to my face anyway.

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Another G8 entrywink.gif

X is for X rated porn, not something every girl wants to replicate

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A great read Hannah, and thank you for a wonderful time on Tuesday afternoon, you are a lovely bitch! ;)

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hannah you are so talented if i knew some one who published books you would be there ha ha lovin the blogs

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Mr. Tongue 'n Cheek

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Hilarious. I look forward to these now. No pressure, just keep it up. :)

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Enjoyed your post Hannah.

 

Possibly X is for the nicer you are to me the more XXX you are likely to receive.

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emerald.butterfly23

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Me? Well I lost my virginity when I was 13. Whore. ----> ROFL laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

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Sleep Walker

Posted

Lots of true points.

Bitching (bullying) is a thing most people put up with at some stage in life, the best thing to do is stand up to the fuckers and tell them exactly what you think of there behaviour.

 

Consistency, yep you got that one bang on, when we find a good thing we stick to it and we return again and again, mind you its quite easy to make a call to make sure the lady is around :)

 

I / me, amazingly we guys actually can tell (usually) if a girl is enjoying herself, there are some good actors but if your not liking it chances are we will know and wont return to you.

 

Naughty, ah the old grope or tongue down the throat at intro, DONT FUCKING DO THAT, OMG, ive had this happen from a lady i wasNOT attracted to, very of putting, and yes i did comment to recept, not every lady is hot to every guy no matter how perfect YOU think you are.

 

Quiet, ive had squealers and screamers over time if its genuine its hot, if its fake its not, you know what, i can tell the difference, on the other hand whilst i dont mind quiet, i dont like dead silence. I like the sound of a hightened breath and gasps or muffled moaning or squeals.

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Awsome funny blog, Hannah. Love yr comments too sleep walker, and especially love the name u chose ( I might be able to change mine sexy insomniac) y is for y not? Maybe nxt time I'm starting to tire now it's daylight, lol! G'night pp :)

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