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Breaking the stereotypes of the paying man.


S.J.T

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One of the reasons I loved Two and a Half men was because of Charlie's up-front attitude about seeing working girls (albeit with that ever-so-American phrase "hookers"). Despite the characters success with women without needing to pay, he still had no objections to forking some cash out and had even less objections about people knowing. As much as Charlie is hardly a role-model when it comes to how to treat the ladies, I admire the characters complete honestly about paying for sex, not giving a damn about it and how those around him just have to accept it.

 

Its one of those things I guess you have to be either open and up-front to begin with, or keep it close to your chest at all times. After all, both the punter and the W/L are subject to judgment in this still conservative-dominated world, and half the reason why W/Ls use fake names (although I imagine the reasons are far more complex) But that brings me to my main point. When I was doing my research and contacting girls, I used a fake name. Obviously once I engaged their services I revealed my real name, as the reality is I've appeared in the newspaper enough times for it to be obvious what my real name is! I also set up a separate email account and use a web-browser that has the option of disabling history/cookies when browsing (www.rockmelt.com - give it a try, the 'incognito' mode is great for privacy!). I guess my reasons for using a fake name are different from those of W/Ls, but the need for privacy I think is a common link. In fact I'm surprised many more punters don't use fake names, after all, I'm sure the girls can respect the desire for privacy, but for me there is also something of a double-reason for it. I always intended to write up about my experiences, to give a voice for the punters in a world full of media of the other side of the fence, so it gave me a pen name if I chose so, as well as a separate identity of sorts. This gives me a better ability to separate my punting experiences away from my main life prevent accidental "spilling" of my secret to others, plus if someone from who shouldn't finds out... Well, they can't prove it was me, can they?

 

Okay, so that was a bit of a random, convoluted rant that probably made no real sense, but if you take anything out of that one, give this "Rockmelt" browser a try!

 

A second point I'd like to make is the hypocrisy I've noticed of some people on the subject. A select few of my close friends know that I've engaged W/L services. One of whom was quite influential in helping me make the decision, she was very helpful when it came to overcoming my concerns. Most of the few that know are very supportive and haven't thought any less of me about it. But one in particular proved to be quite a disappointment. Certainly she has kept my secret and has for the most part, kept an open mind. But during her speech of how it shouldn't be something to be ashamed about and bla bla bla I asked her straight how she'd feel if her current boyfriend had seen a W/L at some point in his life. This stumped her quite quickly and after a couple of minutes she was forced to admit that it WOULD in fact make an impact on how she viewed him. This I think is a core problem. A lot of people claim that they are okay with prostitution and that they are open-minded, but just like many people with homosexuality - what they say and what they really think often become to separate entities when put to the test. Just like not being a virgin 200 years ago somehow tainted a girl in the eyes of society, so too does seeing a W/L taint the man in the eyes of society. Its like there is something wrong with him because he can't get girls "for real" or has some dark, secret obsession/mental disorder that forces him to seek out paid work. Of course we all know that is not true (well, mostly :P ) but I think its important for clients to voice their opinions and experiences, even using fake names if need be, to try and break that stigma. Who knows, maybe a sequel to Secret Diary is in order. But I doubt it will happen, the reality is no-one wants to know about the sexual comings and goings of the average man.

 

But regardless, as important as it is to break down the stereotypes of the working lady, why does there seem to be no effort to break down the stereotypes of the paying man? Your thoughts on my late-night, barely coherent ramblings are welcome :)

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very nice read :) Totally got my attention when you mentioned 2 and a half men!

I think that it all comes down to individual perceptions and biases. Everyone has different standards as what they consider acceptable behavior and some people are capable of accepting a lot even if they do not actually agree with it.

The old saying live and let live... truly a great one lol

 

 

On another note.. your writing made me ask myself if I would enjoy watching a tv show "Secret Diary of a Punter"

I think if it was done with humor and suavity it could lead for some very amusing tv! Kinda like a Punting James Bond.. If only Charlie hadn't won so hard and left us all! He could be fighting the fight!

Have your heard of Gigolo's? the reality tv show that follows around a group of male escorts! I tried to watch it once.. and it was just painful the egos on the guys I saw in the first 15mins was enough to make me turn it off.

A much more entertaining show about male escorts is Hung - it's more of a comedy and kinda interesting.

 

maybe its late and I'm barely coherent too but I thought your writing made sense lol

 

On the privacy issue.. I rarely ask clients for a full name, a first name is fine (and by that I mean it does not offend me if a client wishes to keep their name private) I value my privacy very much and I respect others bounderies. I think it's the only way to be in this business. Although recently I called a hotel to confirm a room number - unfortunately it was late at night so many hotels have a policy that you require both first and last name and the room number to be put through to the room.. and It happened to be with a client that had used an alias lol it was only slightly arkward when the receptionist with attitude told me there was no one by that name in the room. Calling the client back via mobile, explaining and asking for real first name. Fine. Call reception back with room number and correct first name and am told by the gatekeeper that I really must have the surname also as it is hotel policy. Having enough with her clear lack of experience with customer relations lol I ask "surely you can ring the room and ask if they are waiting for my call" oh yes.. now we can do that lol off she goes to call him and i'm listening to hold music -20 seconds later 'I'm putting you through now and in future you really must have the surname' lol thank you!

So all that extra hassle trying to confirm a simple hotel room because of the fake name. I cannot blame the client - as he is not to know that is standard confirmation procedure when staying in a hotel.

Live and try to learn I say ;)

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Thanks for your thoughts, MJ :)

 

Personally I don't think a show about a punter would work very well, would most likely need to be about multiple punters to be interesting, and even I don't think it would be quite as popular (no one wants to see a show about an average man getting laid! lol) The trouble about a show like Gigolos would be that they deliberately would choose negatively-stereotyped men for the show, which is why I liked the secret diary show (as well as the books) as behind the humour its actually quite deep.

 

Sounds like this receptionist wasn't quite with it to be honest :P maybe she was new at the job...

What concerned me a while ago when I was reading through a different forum (I forget where) and some W/Ls were discussing men who use false names, and some of them were treating it as a joke and deliberately doing things like calling their name out during just to see their reactions, which I found quite disrespectful really.

Anyway, I'm preparing up another blog on another issue that I could use some input from "the other side" before I write it up, if you're interested I could use your views on something, if you could message me sometime?

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Ella Lacroix

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Personally I think the reason a lady wouldn't be too impressed if she found out her boyfriend had seen W/L's before is because she would be worried he would cheat. Of course this isn't true at all as I have had clients disappear when they found girlfriend's and then return to see me if it didn't work out.

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Exactly Belle. As I stated in my blog "The Stigma Is Still There" I would quit punting if I got into a relationship. That's just me. But whilever I'm single it's open slather. Also I never use a fake name because chances are I'd forget which one I'd be using at the time so I use my real name but I only ever reveal my first name.

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