Friday 13th... sounds ominous, doesn't it? I do appreciate the irony and this somehow lessens my frustration. I only hope that my next series of encounters with lovely ladies will be as long as the one Naomi managed to collapse in such a grotesque manner. Most of the credit goes to her, but I'm partly to blame for not remembering previous reviews (including my own replies to them). The idea of a "portable FIA" is one I hope existed to cross check names during intros.

 

(NOT SURE IF YOU WANT TO SKIP TO THE SEX DETAILS)

 

No visit to Melbourne is complete for me without a visit to The Grosvenor. I generally see Rebecca there but now she's only doing one or two shifts a week and I missed her. I've seen other girls, even before Rebecca's times, and also in recent times. I never had had a bad experience at The Grosvenor. I guess you can say that I have even developed a special bond with the place. I have probably had more sex there than anywhere else.

 

That's why on Friday, despite having plans of visiting Ladies For Gentlemen later in the evening following a tip by a fellow punter, I decided to pay the G. a daytime visit to see who was on. Little AndyJ and I had agreed that if we didn't fancy anyone, we would continue in the search of Barabings and Amber.

 

When we got there, there were two girls available. Jackie, a tall full figured mature blonde who seemed very accommodating and Naomi, who according to the G's website is an experienced, friendly brunette with a size 10 DD, and brown eyes. (Now make that size 10 a size 12/14). I had seen Naomi in the past while waiting on Rebecca in the intros room but it never crossed my head booking her. She always appeared friendly though and I remember that we even had a bit of chit chat. On Friday, she came for the intro and she appeared to be the same friendly girl. She described her services which included kissing and DATY, she described Spanish as her specialty, she would give me some ball licking and also (drum roll) a bit of natural oral... Little AndyJ who until then was quiet, probably thinking of how to get to Barabings, yelled from inside my jeans, "Natural oral?... book her mate!"

 

As we waited for the receptionist, we continued the discussion:

 

 

AndyJ: But I don't like her

Little AndyJ: Natural oral!

AndyJ: She's not remotely my type.

Little AndyJ: BBBJ!

AndyJ: Wouldn't you rather go looking for Amber?

Little AndyJ: I'm not sure if I'm expressing myself correctly, Andy, but just in case i am not, BBBJ stands for BareBack BlowJob.

AndyJ: Okay, okay, she seems friendly, so I guess we can have a bit of fun.

 

 

The receptionist came back and I booked Naomi for 30 minutes. I was guided to a room (thankfully not one of the rooms I usually use with Rebecca, otherwise the travesty would've been even bigger) and had a shower.

 

(FOR WHAT IS WORTH, THE SEX BEGINS HERE)

 

After a few minutes Naomi came into the room, and it was pretty obvious that she had left her bubbly, friendly personality inside her locker. She offered me a massage and I of course declined, which she didn't received very well if I go by the look on her face. "What would you like then?" she asked. "Oh, you know, just play around" i said. "Well, let me get my things ready then" she replied without a hint of a smile and continued putting her things on top of the bedside table.

 

I know I could go with the compromise of the cliche "we just didn't click" but she gave me no chance to click with her whatsoever (and revisiting her previous reviews that sounds like the norm). The problem with Naomi bringing the shutters down, was that she forced me concentrate on the thing I had chosen to ignore until then: How unattracted to her I was!

 

Nevertheless, I tried breaking the iceberg by kissing her, but her lips were sealed, and once on the bed, not matter what, she would stay there lying inactive. I'm not sure if she was waiting for me to go down on her but I did not feel inclined to do so. She then delivered what she promised, that is a brief BBBJ with a bit of spitting, which helped bringing Little AndyJ from the dead. However, after that, everything went downhill. She put a condom on, sat on top and it was hard to find any rhythm. I asked her to switch to doggy, and she said "later". Eventually she got off me and by then the condom was almost coming out as Little AndyJ had probably switched his attention to the footy results or god knows what. We put the condom back in place and tried doggy but by now she was getting paranoid of the condom falling off. She stopped it, yet the condom was fine. However, as this had killed any remote chance of coming by intercourse, I took the condom off and asked her to come by doing Spanish.

 

 

Naomi: "Are you going to pay me more?"

AndyJ: "(Hell) no"

Naomi: "..........okay but if a drop gets on my face, you owe me 50 dollars"

AndyJ: "Hmm... no. Give me hand instead"

 

And so Naomi with absolute no idea of how to masturbate the opposite sex, started shaking my willy like you would shake a cocktail.

 

Naomi: "I'm obviously not doing it for you. You do it"

 

I thought that if I wanted to masturbate I would have stayed at my hotel with a magazine, someone better to look at, and around 100 bucks richer. So I just indicated to Naomi that it was time for the shower (probably 15 minutes into booking). Strangely, after the shower, Naomi's bubbly and friendly personality returned for some casual chit chat. What can I say without sounding too cruel? Help this girl find another job or at least make her realise this is not one for her. She doesn't have the looks nor the attitude. And don't do what I did... please remember her name: Naomi... to be avoided like the plague.