On 23/03/2020 at 1:03 AM, chelanxar said:
So, I'm 35 and still a virgin... would you recommend I go to a WL? And what amount of time should I book? I want to learn how to please a woman so if I finally do get a girlfriend, I won't embarrass myself too much
As professionals- 'sex' workers can provide you with the understanding, consideration and 'service' to get your needs met, yet I believe a few questions need to be asked before you go down this path.
What are your thoughts and feelings on sex ? I'd imagine that you've used porn to supplement the very real need of human skin contact, which is a fantastic tool to understand your own needs and desires yet it can also be a hindrance. Let me explain...
Firstly... Porn tends to be very up-regulated. Meaning it's incredibly up paced ALL the time. There's little sensitivity or curiosity during a scene, and this can have little to do with the producers of porn itself- more the medium and business model that porn finds itself in. Porn isn't education. It's Entertainment and titillation. That's an unfair pressure to put upon an industry. While the industry certainly can and does address these needs from time to time, it's certainly limiting to those whom desire choice. Sex education belongs in school or the skin trade / sex therapists. Not movies. The individual sensitivity that can be given to one can't be replicated in a medium that must be bought by the 'many'.
Also, due to porn needing to produce income, variance or difference is a risk which isn't something many a business is keen on doing, hence porn tends to be more mainstream than individualistic. Which when doing something as personal and intimate as sex, should be based on who you are, and how your feeling at any point of time.
Secondly ... it's one thing to be lying and 'put' upon porn ( not actively engaging another ), versus the very real and subtle feedback you receive from another human being. You can and will learn through repetition to ignore the very real feedback from others as it's only natural to do so as repetition is the mother of all skill. Hence why many men that masturbate a lot, tend to 'train' themselves to only cum in a certain way.
So why the 'hate' on porn - There's no hate here. Just an acknowledgement of the environment that many virgins may find themselves which means appropriate action can be taken by those in need.
Which brings me to the other side of your question as to 'what' to do to your girlfriend ? As if there's a magic technique that would magically make you an incredible lover ?! And that's the point I was making with porn. Very little correspondence is done in porn, yet with a personal sex worker / escort / masseur, we're experts at negotiating the needs of others, and ourselves. That's literally our job.
These techniques are learnt over job after job after job. It's not a "..done one client, Wow.. I'm amazing at this.." type skill. Yes you can read books and watch video after video yet remember when I mentioned 'repetition is the mother of all skill' ? That's what a long term sex worker can provide. Years and years of skill, devotion and experience with dealing with others within the sexual arena. Many may boast about their skills yet how many outside the sex worker community actually make an income or run a successful business ? Virtually Nil. And let's not forget that sex work is really a service based business hence it works on repetition. If I know what I'm talking about, that's great. If I can actually practice what I preach and derive and income from it. That's brilliant.
So why the bang up about how great sex workers are about their jobs ? Because I'm about to say something that may not necessarily resonate with you yet with over 9+ years in the business- I've learnt a thing or two.
I suggest that maybe 'one' session regardless of length will most likely have a positive effect, yet 'sessions' with a WL will be most beneficial. You'll have time and time to 'learn' not just about the mechanics of sex- yet your understanding of it. And what's there to learn about sex ? How about pleasure ?
While sex's function is to procreate, we as human beings have experienced and developed sciences around the subject of sex. Hence we can and do have sex outside the desire of procreation yet still fulfil that 'desire' or 'need' for what sex also gives us. Pleasure. Hence I believe while there maybe a real desire to 'get over your first time' you may be missing the greatest thing about sex of all. Pleasure.
Now the ability to feel pleasure is inbuilt in your nervous system and yet our minds can and do tend to over ride this system and then all of a sudden we can become disembodied in the experience of sex.
Have you made this all about the other and not yourself ? This is a very valuable time for you to explore yourself within the care and company of a professional other to learn about yourself, and not, as you put it 'embarrass' yourself ?
Yet I challenge your thinking into it's also quite disrespectful to 'do to another'. Yeah, just rub her clit. That will drive her mad. It certainly will in my case as my clitoris is very sensitive and most likely piss me off if porn style pressure is applied.
A sex worker can provide an 'education' of questions to ask another and ways of doing so that you have an environment that you can grow in confidence. Not because of techniques you've learnt, yet ethics that help guide you towards connection with another.
And on the ethics let's speak about one that you may find challenging. When did the pleasure of another become your duty ? A woman's pleasure is her own duty. If she can communicate to you her desires and your willing to abide then great. How awesome is that ? Yet if you're of the belief that you somehow must know the in's and out's of another human being ? I'm curious where you may of learnt that ? Most likely.. porn. Don't treat human beings like that.
Treat them as individuals. Do the same to yourself.
There may be those that will say that this long winded post is too much, and I invite those to consider that if you're seeing a professional for hundreds of dollars an hour, maybe you'd appreciate someone whom has taken the time to put it out there. Or maybe just a body to lie there is enough ?
Due to the lack of any 'real' information on the client I've had to generalise to cover the bases and mindset felt by Chelanxar. The very risk I spoke about at the beginning.
Sweetheart. I wish you all the best in your search, and welcome you to the delightfully rude, embarrassing, awesome, sensual, intimate world of sex !
Most of all .... Enjoy !!