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A working girl talks about The BoyFriend Experience™


Scarlett B Wilde

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A working girl talks about The BoyFriend Experience™

 

   What the hell is the boyfriend experience ?   
    First it’s best to add bit of back story..

As a working girl for quite a few years now, I’ve seen the industry change and vary in many interesting, and to be honest, challenging ways. As I’ve listened to my old-skool sisters of their days ‘walkin’ the Cross’, I am struck by which- while laws around sex work makes the occupation difficult at times- today more than any other time, the sex industry operates with remarkable ease. Ease in finding the product or service, ease in which said product or service is delivered, and also access into, and acceptance of, use of said product or service.

With this ‘ease’ also comes the side effect of ‘consumerism’. The idea that money can, and let's be honest does, buy *virtually anything. In the world of the independent escort it will buy the time, skill set and dedication of the service provider. The provider is expected to perform to a certain level of competence and is expected to ‘give their all’ that is possible within the means and constraints that the provider finds themselves in. I pay the escort, I expect them to give me 100%.
As an escort myself I totally agree with this mindset and wish for my clients to get the best ‘bang for buck’ when they spend time with me.
Yet I’ve been struck how, in maybe the last 4-5 years things like voicemails are no longer left when a missed call from a potential client is placed. Communication seems to be less warm and one sided, and a general reluctance to engage with the service provider makes the task of providing outstanding service quite difficult, as the clients seems to take a very passive stance on what is quite frankly, a very human, and intimate experience / service.

The area I hear the most difficult in is the GirlFriend Experience. While I have my own thoughts and ideals of what this marketing term means, in practicality it’s industry speak for a set of circumstances and services offered within the time together. Namely, passionate kissing, a genuine warm and smooth exchange, a slower and somewhat more sensual exchange of physicality, with the ethic to speak none ill of the other partner.
For an exchange such as this to come about, within the environment there should be warmth and invitation, on both sides. The issue of contention here is that if I as a female escort I am to play the ‘girlfriend’, you as a possible male client will have to play the ‘boyfriend’. For this to happen it would pay to consider the others needs as well.
To passively enter a room, place money on a counter, lie on the bed and expect the other to make up for two would be incredibly challenging for the provider, and any chance of successful engagement is near nil as the client isn’t open to any warmth as they aren’t offering their own.

Consumerism rears its head when it’s thought that in the exchange of money, came a certain drop in engagement or presence on their behalf. This is dangerous thinking due mainly to the financial aspect of the exchange. If you’re to pay hundreds of dollars in an exchange for an experience that is at least hopefully successful and by all standards, memorable, then being present and active during the exchange is bound to bring a more enjoyable time together.

And let’s also speak of the obvious. The nature of this exchange, while fuelled and brought into the market as a very human desire, is a business transaction. So while a power balance has been introduced within the area of participation - one party is now obligated to engage for the duration of the interaction- my personal experience of myself and other service providers I’ve chatted with, we’re more than happy to as our immediate needs are taken care of within the financial exchange. Essentially you’ve ‘bought me’ and my presence, so take full advantage of this.
Now let’s not forget that the presence and engagement of the client will have an effect on how the time spent together goes. I’ve found within the consumerism of today, a ‘fix it’ attitude is introduced into the engagement. The idea that money can buy away any responsibility.
Hey doctor I'm feeling sick, fix me.

Hey therapist, I’m not well, fix me.

Hey trainer, I’m stiff & unfit, fix me.

The likelihood of success from any of the above mentioned scenarios is that if you actively participate and get behind the services of the provider, you’ll realise that work needs to be done on your end as well for a successful outcome to occur.

Doctor's give medications to help heal the body, yet the body actually heals itself. Any instructions in changes of lifestyle only enhance the chance of success.
A therapist may guide you as you seek to find peace within yourself, yet most if not all work will be done with the soul searching you do within yourself.
A trainer can shout and teach exercises yet consistency of pushing one’s self to further limits, yields the success of a fitter, healthier body.


Millions are made every year off services, which seemly add ‘quick’, ‘easy’ options to those that may be just a little too lazy to truly get anything meaningful out of the exchange they find themselves in. Fad diets, Get rich schemes, and devices which enhance and make ‘life easier’ are certainly brilliant cash cows for the businesses that born them, yet the client will probably look back after the expense and think that the idea to engage in such a manner won't really yield desired outcomes in the long term.

So… the BoyFriend Experience
 While I have my own thoughts and ideals of what this marketing term means, in practicality it’s industry speak for a set of circumstances and services offered within the time together. Namely, passionate kissing, a genuine warm and smooth exchange, a slower and somewhat more sensual exchange of physicality, with the ethic to speak none ill of the other partner.

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PlayDohBalls

Posted

I like your thoughts on this Scarlett. Yes indeed, how can you have a girlfriend experience if you aren’t prepared to reciprocate. It would be just an empty and greedy experience without “the boyfriend” contribution. Too often I read on PP comments from a small minority to the effect that the man simply doesn’t have to provide anything in terms of warmth, compassion and excitement. These are straw men, hollow men. They are missing an immersive experience that comes from mutual respect and enjoyment. 

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Yes, the better that a WL is treated, the better she will treat you. Although it doesn't always work but then you never see her again.

 

It is fairly obvious that WL in parlours decide what they will do based on a punters attitude and if they change their mind, they will just perform the service badly.  

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PlayDohBalls

Posted

I also think that Scarlet has rather craftily switched the normal GFE term to that of a BFE,  meaning you are treated as a BF.

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I'll always treat a wl I see like as if I'm her bf I'm not sure if you're talking about DFK? But that won't happen unless we pay of course lol

 

One wl I see and the only one to do it so far will hold my hand during our time together, it's just a small thing but it's amazing to me.

 

Yes for me to get the full experience and my money's worth of the GFE then I have to counter it with a BFE  best I can, it's a team effort 

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CaptainDarling

Posted

Mutual, reciprocal, cooperation, invest in the experience etc are all being used to describe good GFE/BFE...

 

The elephant in the room is that for some men, being totally pampered by an adoring girlfriend is what they call a really good time....

 

....and him needing to 'work' on her pleasure much detracts from the amount of time that can be spent enhancing his pleasure.

 

TBH there are times when I book someone and starfish a bit, and I don't think anybody has the right to say this is a lesser, sub-optimal or stunted approach to having paid sex. It's just a different kind of sex, and both parties are agreeable, it's a style of sex that is probably quite popular but underreported.

 

I think a lot of the guys into R&T would recognise this 'male mostly passive, female mostly active' style of eroticism.

 

I think there are probably plenty of guys that don't know how to initiate or communicate what they want sexually - so they leave the structure and timing up to the lady. Ladies with plenty of experience will know to make the first moves and basically run the show. Ladies without experience, or ladies with an attitude will get angry/frustrated that the man isn't meeting her half way or giving much feedback.

 

Some of my best punts are with strong minded people that take charge early. I usually find their power or spirit kick-starts my enthusiasm and I rise to meet them in the middle.

 

Or in hippie terms, opposites tend to attract/stimulate - so a lazy shy guy is likely to be drawn to a fireball of a woman....where a dominant or powerful man may hunger for a submissive type he can use to power his Ego.

 

Depends on the individuals and the day I guess

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Scarlett B Wilde

Posted

I'm thankful and appreciative of your comment so far guys.. thanks.

Captain, too true, that there are diffident types of sexuality and forms of expression which can be different from the normal and I'm okay with that.
I guess as you're saying, it's best to communicate that so I'm not left waiting for feedback that never comes.
I'm happy to engage in a way you'd like as a client- yet marketing terms can sometimes cloud a client's real needs, and then the possibly of missing out happens. If you want a girlfriend be a boyfriend. If you want a passionate service which is one sided.. great.. Ask.

I'll also note that I got a comment which stated  " What a load of tripe " from a member here.
Now.. I didn't like the comment and yet to ANDYJ- I did put in the blog heading that I was open to disagreement. We are in a community and I'd like others to feel free to say yah or nah. That's the point of a community isn't it ?

Thanks...

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18 hours ago, CaptainDarling said:

TBH there are times when I book someone and starfish a bit, and I don't think anybody has the right to say this is a lesser, sub-optimal or stunted approach to having paid sex. It's just a different kind of sex, and both parties are agreeable, it's a style of sex that is probably quite popular but underreported.

 

 

That is what a lot of punters either want or aren't prepared to make the effort to get anything better. What I call the suck, fuck and cum service and there is nothing wrong with that, the WL just uses plenty of lube and it is all fine. A lot of guys book 30 minute sessions so they can't achieve much more than that. 

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Always enjoy your contributions, Scarlett. GFE is a strange beast, isn't it? (I've also heard the term 'bounded authenticity' used in relation to it.) You're basically talking about engagement and communication - but some clients (like I used to be) can be so shy/nervous/unconfident in the bedroom that just getting it up can be a victory! God knows what those first escorts I saw made of passive me! But when I gained the confidence to be a 'boyfriend', and to express myself, the GFE experience leapt to another level.

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I'm a starry-eyed romantic but even I realise that the Girlfriend Experience is generally exactly what it says, a commercially purchased fantasy.

 

The GFE is to real relationships what the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World is to authentic 16th Century seafaring.  

 

And just like 16th C navigation, real relationships have much greater highs and lows than a synthetic GFE.

 

Furthermore, for punters are trying to cosy up to WL's, there's a fine line between being a thoughtful, generous, kind client and being creepy.

 

And creepy clients are creepy, no matter how much they spend on their regular WL's.

 

I know, because I sometimes cross the line, even with my Aussie regular who I have been seeing weekly for over 2 years.

 

I guess what makes our relationship more authentic is that she tells me directly.

 

"Numbat, I don't like you doing that, it makes me feel uncomfortable."

 

Other genuine GFE I have enjoyed with WL's include having dinner with my retired WL and her parents every couple of months, having my driving and choice of laundry detergent criticised etc

 

I guess what I am saying is to simply be yourself...

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On 04/06/2019 at 6:43 PM, numbat101 said:

I'm a starry-eyed romantic but even I realise that the Girlfriend Experience is generally exactly what it says, a commercially purchased fantasy.

 

The GFE is to real relationships what the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World is to authentic 16th Century seafaring.  

 

And just like 16th C navigation, real relationships have much greater highs and lows than a synthetic GFE.

 

I don't think anyone expects that a GFE will be anything like a proper GFE. It simply means the sex that you have with a girlfriend or close to it. What most guys are looking for is the Fuck Friend Experience where you get together with someone for mutually satisfying passionate sex without any intention of a relationship.

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Scarlett B Wilde

Posted

On 05/06/2019 at 6:59 PM, bushmaster said:

 

.... the Fuck Friend Experience where you get together with someone for mutually satisfying passionate sex without any intention of a relationship.

A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y Brilliant....

Now where's my adcopy ?!

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Калашников

Posted

On 05/06/2019 at 10:59 AM, bushmaster said:

What most guys are looking for is the Fuck Friend Experience where you get together with someone for mutually satisfying passionate sex without any intention of a relationship.

 

Yes but you get to an age in life where you want more than to spray a load at a cervix and think life is grand... where by you look at your bed each and every day thinking it would be nice to share this with someone.....  Okay lets get laid FWB but hey.... or am I being too Melrose placey...

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I have never liked the term "Girlfriend Experience". 

 

I would like the term "Friendly Girl Experience".

 

Umh. In that case a friendly girl would need a friendly man to be at her best.

 

;)

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CaptainDarling

Posted

I think many guys on here get the girlfriend/wife experience at home, so will want something quite different for paid sex.

 

Some examples may be:

 

The lady at home always kisses

 

The lady at home always goes BB.

 

The lady at home only does anal a few times a year, and even then it takes months of begging before it happens. Lol

 

The lady at home will substitute sex to non-penetrating sex or hj, BJ when she wants to for whatever reason.

 

The lady at home won't bring her mouth too close to your starfish.

 

The lady at home may call the whole thing off at very short notice because the guy hasn't been behaved himself...

 

The lady at home rarely has a hot mate she wants to share you with...

 

*

 

Paid sex the ladies will usually conceal their tiredness, illness, distaste for you, or shock at your kinky requests

 

Paid sex will not lead to love or long term tenderness between the two people - because one is working and keeping an eye on the time.

 

Paid sex can be crap for sexual learning, because many women will not tell a guy when he's hopelessly off track or she's not feeling any pleasure....

 

*

 

You could even say that many guys that say they want GFE really mean 'Lie to me babe, and the better you lie the more I'll appreciate it. Oh and by the way, BBBJ or even BB sex would be cool as well, but if you get preggers I'll be the one to remind you it's only a fantasy, not actually boyfriend girlfriend passionate love making.

 

*

 

In my case, the better things are at home the less I want GFE from a WL, and instead want the paid sex to be PSE or Kink.

 

So you could even say that GFE is where men try an compensate for what they're missing out on with their partners....

 

If our wives and partners were perfect, I wonder what the overall demand for paid sex would be like?

 

For example, if wifey was fabulous, and the guy was still paying escorts, what would he want from an escort?

 

Anal?

 

S&M?

 

Chit chat?

 

Threesomes, foursomes etc

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Scarlett B Wilde

Posted

13 hours ago, CaptainDarling said:

I think many guys on here get the girlfriend/wife experience at home, so will want something quite different for paid sex....

For example, if wifey was fabulous, and the guy was still paying escorts, what would he want from an escort?

....

 

In a lot of cases I see, it's just that. Difference.

Realistically some clients never change their style to adapt or welcome the other- this can be due to no awareness around the situation rather than malicious or ill attempt, and also compounded by the fact that they are paying so it's okay to be one sided as long as respect for the other's boundaries are in play.
So being able to play with another adds difference in their lives and that's a welcome change for most.
 It also challenges the notion that clients are monsters, or undesirable or even that they have to pay for it. Sometimes it's the convenience of having a play with a partner of your choice without risking an already invested, and for the most part, happy relationship. 

In all my years of working, I can count on one hand the amount of complaints or dissatisfaction with a partner I've heard in person. 
The reasons a client seeks out a WL is as varied and wide as the human experience. That's the delight of it all !

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Meh - most days I am just looking for a bit of mutual fun in a fairly low key encounter.

I find out what they like and what their lines are, then we just have a fun time.  I mean, if they aren't at least having some fun then neither will I and then it's sort of a pointless exercise - could have just treated myself to a dinner and a movie and wanked instead.

Most girls seem to appreciate the opportunity to have their interests and preferences worked into what should be a mutually entertaining encounter. There are some days when I just want something quite relaxed and low energy, and of course those are the days I get the turbo-charged firecracker that just ruins my vibe, so I assume it would be the same for the WL with a punter who doesn't play well and consider others.

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Scarlett B Wilde

Posted

19 hours ago, runrun said:

.....I find out what they like and what their lines are, then we just have a fun time.  I mean, if they aren't at least having some fun then neither will I and then it's sort of a pointless exercise - could have just treated myself to a dinner and a movie and wanked instead.....

 

It's warming to hear you communicate to the other, and that's the intent of the post- to garnish communication between WL and client.
This interaction between both usually leads to great sex... what most clients desire right ?!

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Not just 'great sex', but more to the point 'appropriate sex'.

There was a cold and rainy day a couple of weeks ago where I was run down and felt rubbish after a big day at work doing hard physical labour and I was pretty much just in the mood for some relaxed and low-energy friendly shagging.  With a legit sex buddy it would have been a few glasses of red and no rush in the bed, but this chick just didn't get the memo and went off like a tumble dryer with a brick in it - I was holding on for dear life.

The hassle is that a lot of workers make default baseline assumptions or just run a set routine, which can just as easily miss the mark.

I've had WL who didn't speak a word of English completely get the vibe, I've had girls with perfect English not listen.  It can be a jungle out there.

The struggle is that when its a routine 'on the way home from work' punt you get a real mixed bag at the parlours - so I take it as it comes.

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Scarlett B Wilde

Posted

19 hours ago, runrun said:

Not just 'great sex', but more to the point 'appropriate sex'.
..... but this chick just didn't get the memo and went off like a tumble dryer with a brick in it - I was holding on for dear life....

 

 So did you 'send' the memo. During your time together did you not ask - " May we engage in this way ?  " or even " Actually, I'm not feeling this, can we slow down a bit ? ".

 

While you mention the ability to read a client, and that can come into it, the neglect of the other's needs are missed when one is forced into a clairvoyant or mind reader role.

It's much easier to just talk ... I mean.. you're in the room together. Why not open your mouth and remove all doubt ?  
Otherwise... yes, It can become an expensive wank. Not because a WL isn't performing, but because parties are only engaging themselves.

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It was probably 50-50, she SEEMED so laid back at the beginning so I suppose I missed the initial cue.

I'm not cranky, I'm taking it as a lesson learned :)

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