To Market, To Market
Generally speaking, some weird shit goes down in brothels. I know.... I’m just as shocked as you are.
I walked in early to start my shift. The changeover is usually pretty straight forward. While we sat there behind the desk discussing random brothel related shinanigans, a client creeped over from the outside area.
“Do you ladies have any fruit?”
I jokingly told him I don’t eat fruit because I’m more of a bucket of fried chicken type girl.
He wasn’t even half as amused as I was.
“Okay then, do you have any vegetables?”
I’m thinking to myself, Mate; I’m running a brothel, not a fucking fruit and veg market, are you on crack?
He continued.... “I was hoping to find a lady who would be willing to use the fruit or veggies on herself”
Okay so by this point, I had gathered he wasn’t hungry... but rather he wanted a girl to put food inside her vagina...
It was at this moment I realised that nothing really shocked me anymore. I didn’t even flinch. “Have you intro’d the girls and asked them if that’s something they offer?” He hadn’t. “Well that’s a good start.”
Crystal sort of galloped up to me in the change room about 2 minutes later “This guy is loaded and all he wants is for me to put fruit in my vag. I don’t have any though, do you have any?”
Was I wearing a sign on my head “I got fruit, please help yourself”?
I quickly decided that I’d pop up to the shops and get some items to help my fellow lady. I honestly had no idea what kinds of fruit are used in this situation so I stood in the fresh food isle puzzled as shit.
Cucumber! Yes! That looks... umm... like it would go well on my sub. What the hell was I doing? I was completely out of my depth.
I decided I would grab one of everything. I couldn’t go wrong that way.
Apples, bananas, cucumber, watermelon - you name it, I had it in my trolley.
I returned back. I carried four bags full of fruit and veg from the car inside to a waiting horny man and keen hooker.
I dropped the bags in front of them and told them to “enjoy”.
This guys eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. Off they went, due back in two hours time.
I was busy eating my hand delivered Nandos (cheers Travis) when all of a sudden, Crystal appeared. A mere 20 minutes after she had gone up. She hands me the watermelon and says “Can you cut this up into smaller pieces? He wants to eat it out of me”
Again, not shocked. Because I am a trooper and I would rather not ask questions, I walked to the back and begun cutting watermelon without hesitation.
I again found myself completely out of my depth though. I was trying to in vision what size pieces I should cut them into and whether or not the pieces were too square? Wouldn’t that hurt? Anyway...
I handed her a bowl of cut watermelon and off she went.
Instances like this one would happen more often than not. Perhaps just in different variations. I will one day tell the story of a man who liked to put gummy bears in his fore skin and have them eaten out....... but today is not that day.