Every girl with a cheap fetish beginners kit is suddenly a Dominatrix & why I will never label myself as one
Entry posted by annabellemayescort
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I'll firstly start by saying in no way is this directed and anyone individually but more of a observation i've made over the past few years and seen first hand in brothels.
Secondly, whatever is said here is my personal opinion and if you're offended by this it isn't my problem, but perhaps something you need to look in to yourself as to why exactly you are offended by this?
Now, to start this I need to first take you back to the year 2013 and my first interaction with BDSM....
..to a much younger, much less experienced and extremely innocent vanilla Annabelle. At the time I was actually getting ready for the ever exciting Mardi Gras in Sydney, I lived in sunny Campbelltown and was currently studying at the University there, full-time. Little did I know that I was one facebook conversation away from my life changing completely.
It was the week before the Mardi Gras parade and I had requested my mother make me a cat-woman costume for it as I wanted to dress up as my friends all were and I wanted to join in! Basically, it was just a tight "latex type material" onesie that I paired with some thigh high latex stiletto boots and a black mask and just to spice it up a little, you know, make it a bit sexier..I added a riding crop I had purchased at a local sex shop.
So there I was, a few day out from Mardi Gras and my bomb ass outfit was killer!
Obviously...next point of call? .....................Post pictures of it on Facebook, durr!
As I was casually reading through the comments on the pictures I posted, one in particular hit my eye. The words that would forever change my pathway in life and the way I see myself and the world. These words are as follows: "You look like a dominatrix".
I simply laughed to this and sent the girlfriend who wrote it a message saying its for Mardi Gras and I "could never have sex with anyone for money" - innocently lumping Dominatrixes in the "prostitution" category, which at the time was full of girls who were touched by an adult at a young age and drug addicts who worked on seedy corners and cried themselves to sleep each night.
To that reply I was promptly informed on what a Dominatrix actually is and that quite often they don't even TOUCH the clients sexually, let alone sleep with them.
...from there a little seed was planted in my mind.
I was between jobs at the time and DESPERATELY seeking something that WASN'T Hospitality orientated that also fit in with my full-time University schedule. So once this tiny seed was planted, my curiosity was sparked. It actually then took me a few weeks to even just get the courage to call the dungeon in Sydney which was quite easy to find surprisingly! - a simply google search and bam!
After calling and hanging up, 3 times....I finally bit the bullet and, as they say, took the bull by the horns! The lady that answered the phone was nice. She didn't offer much information over the phone but invited me to drop by the following night to see the place and meet some of the girls currently working there - with strict clothing rules of black/dark colours, tight, not TO revealing.
So, after 24hours of absolutely shitting myself I arrive at the dungeon. At least to where my GPS took me -....It was just a plain looking two storey house in a normal, quiet neighbourhood tucked away in the city, surely THAT was not the right premises? It's obviously in a basement on one of the main roads in the city - like Oxford Street. After a quick phone call to confirm I discovered that I was infact in the right spot and the plain house l was looking at was the dungeon. After a few words in the mirror of encouragement, I stumbled awkwardly out of my car in my thigh high stilettos and a form fitting dark summer dress I had never actually worn in public due to my self confidence being completely shattered through high school and something I never worked on truly as a adult so shattered it remained.
Upon knocking on the door I was greeted by a friendly older woman who invited me in and to this day I will never forget the smell that the dungeon had. It wasn't a bad smell by all means - it was just different. It was a dizzying mixture between cleaning agents and strong incense. After a quick tour of the premises I was sat down and asked a few questions about BDSM & any previous work experience....which was all simply answered with one word - "no". "Have you worked in the Sex Industry before?" - "no", "Have you got much experience with BDSM. Like with past partners in your own sex life?", "I'm not sure what BDSM is, but no, none at all".
Now at this point ill fill you in on exactly how innocent, boring and "vanilla" I was and just how depressing my sex life had been. So, to cut a long story short I lost my virginity when I was 17 and very drunk at a party. From there I, with my already barely there self esteem, flittered (even a word? Not sure! It feels fitting though) between a few relationships with the occasional drunk sex between them with strangers. To sum it up - sex was something I viewed as a way to get guys to like me. If I have sex with them, then they like me? Then we will date and maybe, just maybe, I won't feel so bad about myself and it'll mean that I AM pretty and desirable!! I also had a few occasions where I had squirted (something that is only now really emerging and wasn't even heard of back then) during sex and it had become a bit of a joke amongst my mates about me needing a tarp for sex (which, although it was never meant in a mean way, only fed my inner demons, further ingraining that there's "something wrong with me"). So what little, if any, enjoyment I was previously getting from sex was replaced with this fear of getting to wet! I would concentrate the whole time on NOT getting wet. I even worked out what positions helped and was simply relieved to have it end as quickly and painlessly as possible! And this went on for years! Even with longer term boyfriends. Sex was something that I felt more obligated to do in relationships then anything. Pleasure and (god forbid} even getting off during sex was completely out the window! I had given up on receiving oral sex as I simply didn't enjoy it due to my self esteem and fear of getting to wet (fun fact: the first time a male got me off was still years away as a sex worker - along with a few other sexual milestones ill leave for a future blog post). So basically, my sex life summed up was casual drunk sex with males from bars and a sprinkling of a few guys I dated but it was always the same...oral (on him), he climbs on me, pumps away, cums, rolls off and for the drunken one night stands it was followed promptly by drunken snoring, and with the boyrfriends some cuddling etc. So this world, of BDSM, was COMPLETELY foreign to me in every aspect. Being a Dominatrix was completely foreign to me. I was a shy, quiet young woman who had almost no self confidence and was naturally a extremely submissive and introverted person.
So, first impression of the BDSM world? Freaking LOVED it! Wow, my mind was blown completely that first night (hell, it still is to this day by some aspects of BDSM). The women, the adrenaline rush that came with it was like a drug to me! Once i got that first taste I was hooked.
The women that worked there were incredible. And they were exactly that - women! There was only one on that first night I was there for a few hours but she was married and had kids! She was certainly not a drug addict who has given up on life like I previously believed. She was educated, sophisticated and had this air of confidence to her that I was immediately envious of. However, there was one thing that has always stuck with me about these women I had the pleasure of meeting - how they spoke about what they do. I mean wow! Their eyes would go a little hazy and the passion they expressed when they started talking about it was something I desperately wanted to feel! I couldnt think of a single damn thing in my life that I was THAT passionate about . Over the next few nights I gradually got to know all the girls that worked there and, between all the reading I was doing there about the various aspects of bdsm, fetish and dominant/submissive relationships, I was even lucky enough to be given the ok by some clients to be a voyeur on some of the sessions that took place - however, most clients declined so it was only occurring once every few days but I loved every minute of it! One of the Mistresses even would have me help out in the sessions and I was even booked a few times with the other young girl that worked there - but as my skills were almost non existant with no prior experience or knowledge in the industry the madam was not even entertaining the idea of having me work by myself there yet. That was still "many months" away she said, to my frustration as I was starting to get weighed down financially (who has always been a passionate admirer of bdsm and had for many years played around with it in the bedroom and was a natural dominatrix all over).
I spent the next 2 months there, learning all the ins and outs of Dominatrix work. I grew to not only love the environment but also started to develop a massive amount of respect towards it. That was something that I was constantly told there - you must show it the respect it deserves. From this I started to truly understand the psychology of what was happening here. For these women it wasn't just simply tying a guy down and spanking him, it was about developing that relationship with them and taking them on a journey from the moment they walk in to that room until they leave. I also begun to learn the true meaning of subspace and how deep it can be. It was about truly forgetting everything outside that room and truly just being in the moment. That's whey these women were attempting every time they saw someone and what I can only assume these men were wanting also. I ended up moving overseas so stopped working there but will always hold it close to me as it was only about a year later I started escorting and put my respect towards what I do and professionalism down to the experiences I had at the dungeon.
So, pretty much summing this up, there are women who have earned the title of dominatrix through a deep passion for what they do and years of experience. They are natural leaders and what they do is a art form - not just a "extra" for some side cash, then theres girls who advertise as such who simply went and brought a few cheap toys - whom have no respect towards it and don't attempt to even learn the psychology of it all. For this rreason, despite my training, i'll never advertise myself as a Dominatrix as I do not believe I have earned that title - plus I am not truly suited to this sort of work - as a natural introvert I find I was almost having to force myself to be this dominant person, plus I get no pleasure out of it and with escorting sometimes I get paid TO be pleasured - you weigh up the equation as to what I prefer 
.
Thanks for reading this (if you're still here and awake). If you enjoyed this then leave a comment and let me know! Also, on the flip side, if you didn't then I hate you and go die - JUST KIDDING! Leave a comment also and the reasons why so I know for my next entry.
xox Annabelle
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