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Reviews - The Flip Side. When the written word really does hurt

Constance Azura

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It has been said that a WL's review can take her career straight to the top. Put her name on the map and get herself noticed. I remember when my first review went up, I was ecstatic, thrilled and could not have asked for anything more. Then the second, third and many more, each one giving me the confidence knowing I really did meet expectations if not surpass them, and the once shy and withdrawn me, found a drive and passion to excel and succeed with my newly found path in life.

 

 

As much as the expressions and opinions of others gave me a big boost of confidence, I never thought how much it would actually affect me mentally and emotionally. To the point where it makes a massive impact on everyday decision making, the way I felt and saw myself, and realising how much I actually believe those opinions to be true and probable not only to the reviewer but every reader and commenter also.

 

Sometime last week I read a reflection on an encounter that had been long planned, by months. Preliminary communication was constant, dedicated and the suspense of finally meeting was high up on the pressure bar.

 

The evening itself had already set a high bar, the feelings of anticipation not making it any better, the Friday evening bumper to bumper traffic made it even worse with the icing on the cake having to deal with issues on the personal side of things.

 

What I thought was a pleasant and enjoyable evening was not the case when the apparent truth came out. I read descriptions of my character as being 'common', 'vulgar', 'simple', 'fake', Highlights of the evening being 'the champagne' and the low points 'not worth even talking about'.

 

I still tortured myself by reading it about ten times over, each sentence burnt and engraved in my memory never to be forgotten. I believe every word he's written and I have begun to self sabotage. I would be interstate and I won't advertise a tour, I hide at home most days and think about how disgusting and ugly I am and doubt myself more and more. Thoughts would follow and I would just ask myself:

 

"Who am I kidding? Who are you?"

"You're nothing but a disappointment not worth thinking about."

"You're not worthy"

 

I guess with the positive praise I have received over the years, I can't be everyone's cup of tea. But I just want to say that as much as I appreciate praise, I need to also be set for some that are perhaps not so nice to read or hear about.

 

But as a reviewer, if you should feel so strongly about an encounter that did not meet any goals and expectations, I would want to know that is the case and not be led to believe that the evening was enjoyable, fun and positive with a courtship that was honest. To find out months later that it wasn't the case, that your date was actually disgusted, bitter, disappointed but yet still happily continued past the agreed four hour duration instead of ending it earlier due to conflicting personalities ..

 

Let's just say it was not an easy piece to have read, especially when you thought differently. But it also made me realise how much of an impact it really does makes on your psyche so much that rather than an informative piece for a forum I believed it to be somewhat of a gross misjudgement of me as a person that was rather one sided.

 

Point of what I'm trying to say is, everyone is entitled to their opinions and it as their experience, but words really do hurt. We are merely sensitive mortals at the end of the day.



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QUOTE I believed it to be somewhat of a gross misjudgement of me as a person that was rather one sided. ENDQUOTE

 

The quote sums it up. Believe in yourself and move on. It is simply the misjudgement of one person.

 

Note to other readers. I have met Constance Azura for a punt. My review was positive in all particulars.

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These sessions have so many variables with a huge number of possible expectations on the part of the punter. Nobody can be all things to all people. Better to forget it and move on.

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Sorry to hear that Constance. Especially upsetting as there was no signs of anything amiss in the booking. I do wish punters would show more humanity when writing reviews.

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thank you for taking time to read :)

and yes it's in the past and onwards and upwards

if anything i guess on the positive i will just learn from it and grow some thicker skin ;)

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I'll send you something that will make you smile a little

Your very first review -remember ?

BB xoxo

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Although I have never booked you Constance I did speak to you at drinks night and found you far from being rude, common, simple or fake. Chin up other punters have a lot of respect for you young lady. xx

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Ummm.

 

You know all this stuff of course but I'll say it anyway, just in case my Mansplaining helps at all :D

 

A sex review captures a moment in the head of the person writing it, and the woman he is thinking of is barely there sometimes.

 

If that guys head is full of junk during the sex, then the review may reflect the mess he has in their skull. Full of anger, frustration, regrets or bitterness.

 

Or the guy may suffer a severe bout of punters remorse – and in hindsight be savage on paper towards the lady, while during the sex session they were actually mostly ok.

 

I've been guilty of writing poor reviews when really the lady didn't do anything right or wrong. I now try to see those semi-mythical scribblings as a product of my mental state at the time, and caused by my inexperience when putting pen to paper.

 

I suppose the essential truth that we should all try remember is that paid sex is usually a fictional account of lovemaking.

 

The girl suppresses her bad day, her nerves, any minor illnesses and aches etc. and instead focusses on being 'sexy' for the client. Anything she does for him is not the real her, as she doesn't share her private self fully with him, instead delivering a facsimile of the real person behind the mask.

 

The guy suspends his disbelief that he needed to pay her for the sex to happen at all, and essentially really she's just not that into him. He overlooks that he knows nothing about her except what others have said on the Internet and how she looks in the pictures. He bypasses the absence of love between them and moves straight on to a crude copy of the love he wishes they each felt for each other.

 

I tend to re-read harsh things directed against me looking for meaning or explanations. I suspect many people try and read-into negative comments far more than they read-into praise.

 

Perhaps it would help if you wrote your own review of the same session, perhaps as a thought experiment. Clear your mind of what he wrote and instead write an accurate depiction of the session as you saw it. After that, maybe re-read your account in preference to re-reading his.

 

We all have the right to be the hero in our own stories! :D

 

BTW – you are hot! :P

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Sorry to hear that Constance. Especially upsetting as there was no signs of anything amiss in the booking. I do wish punters would show more humanity when writing reviews.

 

Damn sure. People that wrote bad reviews on the internet yet don't speak to the service provider/restaurant/whoever are silly.

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I guess the review is gone as I can't find it?

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People bring a lot of baggage to a booking, and how they respond to it is up to them. All you can do is create a space in which they can have fun, but you are not in control of what they do with that. 

 

Of course a bad review out of the blue hurts, how can it not? OK, you are presenting a fantasy but still there is some of you in there, and it is you presenting the fantasy. When someone strikes out at you and what you did together, especially if you look at it every which way and can't see where it went wrong, naturally that hurts.

 

All I can suggest is to look at it, see if there is anything you can learn from it, and let it go. Maybe to help with that letting go it is a good idea to - as Blakes7 suggested - write you own impressions of the encounter (for yourself) rather than just leave it to the reviewer to define it for you?

 

For me reviews are a ways for a client to communicate to others if this person might be for them as well, and I tend to discard any that seem malicious - they are not worth the time to read them as they tell me nothing about the subject of the review, just about the reviewer.

 

As Simone says, we are all human, and that really does need to be respected. 

 

Thanks for letting us know what it is like to be on the other side.

 

Boater

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Constance Azura

Posted

Thanks everyone for all of your feedback, you have all been of great help and appreciate all of your comments.

 

xo

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You sound like you have a lot of supporters here Constance so make sure you take that on board.

 

Blakes7 and boater seem to have it right. Not your problem... His.

 

And no champagne could be that good!

Cheers

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Constance,

 

Just saw this blog so I am a little late in responding.

 

You certainly impressed me in our 'welcome to Melbourne' booking. Had a great time and you were brilliant. I do hope to see you again but until lately my health has been hit an miss and prevented it.

 

In terms of reviews, I tend to only write reviews for WLs I had fun with or those who I feel did something negative that others should be made aware of. In terms of average punts (all those in between), I don't review them as there is every chance that it was due to a personality clash, a bad day, unrealistic expectations, etc.

 

However, not all approach matters in this or in similar ways. Some use the anonymity of the forum as a shield to hide behind and toss verbal grenades at will. Yes they can hurt. That is clear, but I guess it comes with territory. I certainly wouldn't let them impact you too much but that is hard I am sure. Easier said than done.

 

On the flip side, I have made comments on 2 occasions where I felt a ladies appearance did not match her photos sufficiently. I give a lot of latitude before I say such a thing (I am into photography and know what make-up, lighting and processing can yield) and in both cases, I was aggressively challenged as if I was lying and was even threatened. While I still believe in what I said, I retracted the comments to defuze the situation. Thus, as a WL you can challenge the writer of the review if you feel it is unfair. At least I think you can. I certainly was, even though that challenge was unfair. I recall one case when a lady had quite large boobs in the photos and when I saw her she was essentially flat. That had to be a photoshop trick requiring some serious skill.

 

All the best to you and hopefully I'll see you again in a few months. Hopefully you are well and have a great 2016. Take care.

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