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Trouser Area's Tips for new punters.


Trouser Area

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This is material I contributed to a thread I started elsewhere because I wondered if it might be useful to new punters to have punting advice from the more experienced members. Many people put in great advice, but I post my tips here for posterity.

 

While the forum is a valuable source of information, it should not be your only one. Plenty can be learned by sitting in the reception/lounge area of a brothel. When you've made a phone booking with a lady, it can pay to arrive at the bordello 20 minutes early. This provides the punter with a chance to sit in the lounge or some other area where there is girl traffic, to check out and even chat to other ladies for future reference. Also listen to the receptionist talk to other punters and over the intercom (if fitted, that is. Bodyline has one that produces something like platform announcements at Flinders St station) to get an idea of which girls are getting alot of bookings.

 

At intro, address the W/Ls with a polite business-like manner. There's no point wasting everyone's time with small talk or by being sleazy. Getting to the point about service is not rude, it is desirable. Save using your best lines and chit chat for the room, when the meter's on.

 

Also at intro, go with vibe or gut feeling if it's strong. An instant dislike or like on first impression is more than likely to be correct. When I think back to girls who became favourites, I realise that I had a good feeling about most of them at intro.

 

Bar snacks in gentlemen's clubs: I remember some sage advice given by a lass at Santa Fe Gold, against my partaking of the complimentary peanuts, on the grounds that "not all the fellows wash their hands after the dunny and some of them aren't just weeing in there either, if you know what I mean".

 

Doubles. In concept, taking on two girls at once sounds fantastic and with some care, in practice it can be. I've only done it twice and in one case, I made the mistake of picking two girls I liked without reference to the girls. For best results, it is essential that the two girls at least like eachother, if not find eachother attractive. If you want to do a double, ask a W/L you have a good rapport with if she'd be into it and then get her to pick out the second girl for you. The last thing you need, after handing out multiple hundreds of dollars is to find that what you get in the room is the resumption of a long-standing locker room brawl.

 

If you hold the trade of prostitution and W/Ls in contempt, then don't punt. I've heard hair-raisingly rude stuff said about, and even to W/Ls, by dudes who are torn between desire to punt and guilt about seeing W/Ls. I'll never forget being asked by one agitated chap; "How much does it fucking cost to fuck one of these bitches?" No-one needs that, just go home and have a wank.

 

Sorbolene is much improved as a massage lubricant if it is heated in a microwave for a minute. Make sure the lady then tests the temperature of it on her hands rather than your back, or worse still your genitalia.

 

When dressing after a punt, make sure your shirt is not inside out. Workmates and loved ones may well start to put two and two together if, before you left, it was outside-in and on your return it is the opposite. Sir Les Patterson wrote in the Traveller's Tool**, that his wife used to measure the length of his tie before he left for work, and then remeasure when he got home, such were her (well founded, as it happens) suspicions.

** I rate this work very highly as a tongue-in-cheek, though quite accurate, reference to world punting. Also worth reading is Littlerooter's "A user's guide to lubricants in the sex trade" (Princorp Publishing 2007).

 

If possible, avoid being too pissed when you punt. A few beers may well be helpful to settle the nerves of a novice punter, but the effect of being really hammered on erectile and brain function is undesirable for both yourself and the W/L. Nobody likes being slobbered on by a drunken fuckwit who ceased to be amusing many hours ago, who's tool is now stubbornly flaccid and who has the stink of vomit on his breath.

 

Falling in love with a W/L: see my signature: "For God's sake! None of these girls love you and most of them don't even like you. Play the game, be as nice as you can, but don't go and make a bloody fool of yourself."

Wise advice given to a young and naive Trouserarea by a housemate in 1992

:

Unless you are a regular who the receptionist knows well, there is little point asking a receptionist to make a recommendation after you've seen the girls. After all, in most cases the receptionist will have no first-hand knowledge of the girls' service and at best, her recommendation will be based only on what she's been told about them, which you can easily find out yourself at intro. A receptionist may also recommend a girl because that girl isn't getting much trade or is new to it and needs the booking, or because the girl is her mate, etc. There are lots of reasons that have nothing to do with whether the W/L's a great service provider. Either way, I'd trust gut feeling before I'd trust a receptionist's recommendation. They're never going to tell you that a girl is hopeless, are they?

 

At intro, you have every right to walk out if you don't see anyone you like, although there is a fine line between prudently shopping around and wasting receptionists' and W/Ls' time. I've been on brothel trawling expeditions with mates who are happy to turn out ladies for intro at half a dozen places and still not make a decision. Never go back to the same brothel twice in the same night for a follow-up intro, that's just pushing it too far. I had a particularly indecisive pal who used to do this and I can tell you that receptionists and W/L's take a very dim view of multiple intros.

 

Some ladies don't like the idea of review forums (some hate them and will ban you if they find out) and you need to be careful about letting on. If you book a girl blind, based purely on a recommendation, she may well ask where you found out about her. You need a quick answer. I have a fictional mate, who provides me with recommendations:

How not to do it

W/L [her brow furrowing]: Have I seen you before, honey?

TA: Erm, no, "a mate" told me about you and said I should come and see you.

W/L [Eyes narrowing with suspicion]: Oh yeah, who's your mate? Would I remember him?

TA [Perspiration breaking out under the pressure]: Um, I don't know he....

W/L: What's his name?

TA: I don't know, he...um...

W/L: You don't know your mate's name? There is no mate, is there?

TA: There is! There is! He's called....um.....Terry, yeah, Terry.

W/L: Oh, like this towel you were just looking at. Right buster! I smell a forum punter, now get out!

 

How to do it properly

W/L [her brow furrowing]: Have I seen you before, honey?

TA: Erm, no, "a mate" told me about you and said I should come and see you.

W/L [Eyes narrowing with suspicion]: Oh yeah, who's your mate? Would I remember him?

TA: Wow, look at that. I don't have anything smaller than a $100 note for extras. Oh well, it's only money.

W/L: Enough chit-chat, get your kit off and let's get to it.

 

I'd also add that if you generally undress in front of your missus, make sure that an over enthusiastic W/L hasn't left claw marks on your back or a bite mark on your arse (Yes, Monique from Bodyline, I'm looking at you!) or tell-tale lipstick on your knob. Also avoid heavy oil and powder, unless the lass woill wash your back for you afterwards.

 

It can be risky punting in a suburb close to where you work or live. Of course this applies only if anonymity is a consideration for you. I tend to use the Western Suburbs of Melbourne as my punting ground because I don't go there much for any other reason and I don't know many people who live over there. I baulked at using Barabings in Collingwood for a long time because I know alot of people who frequent that area. The first time I ever went there, I ran into my aunt less than 50 metres from the front door. I got away with it alright, but it could have been very awkward and stood as a salutary lesson. As my housemate used to say on this matter: "Do your punting where you won't shit the nest".

 

On the whole anonymity thing: Remember that even if you are open about your punting now, circumstances might change and you may well later regret having your real name and face connected with your punting activity and forum posts. You may also regret having given so much information away to W/Ls. As it is, there are 100s of W/Ls and brothel staff who know my face, so if I ever became famous/infamous, I already have alot of people who could finger me (term used advisedly) as a punter. I've thought about going to FIA drinks night and meeting forum members face to face, but it really opens me up to unacceptable risk in my current circumstances. Think about this and consider using a false name at brothels and making up a story about yourself (that you can keep straight) to deflect questions. There's nothing devious about this, I'm sure most W/Ls do the same thing. It's self preservation. Many of us, W/Ls and punters alike will move on from the world of commercial sex eventually, and when you do, you don't want to leave a forwarding address. It's something to think about anyway.

 

Ask about services courteously, but directly. If a polite enquiry from you meets with a response from the W/L that you don't like, then walk. W/Ls are meant to be providing a professional service, so approach enquiries on that basis. Polite and professional.

If language is that much of a barrier that you can't make yourself understood in words, then perhaps the best thing to do is to take a punt on the lady without discussing extras and just (GENTLY!) try things to see if they are OK with the W/L (and happily accept rejection!). If your punt turns out to be a good one and suits you down to the ground, then tip the lass and go back again soon. Oh, and post a bloody review!

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