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ANUNNAKI GOLD

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Clearing the air before I go


ANUNNAKI

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They won't delete my account unfortunately. Nobody likes my input anyway so I don't know why they won't but I suppose it doesn't matter really.

 

Firstly.

 

I never intended to offend any of the WL's ladies on this website.

 

Jessica Luscious called me a bastard because my "dream punt" was to have a WL pretend to enjoy time with me. I still don't know why that offended her so much she would call me that. I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning to offend WL's when I said that.

 

kaycee.k thinks that I hate women. Completely untrue. The opposite is the reality and I wouldn't feel this way if I hated women. However I can see how what I've said comes across so I accept that my own communication of my feelings has let me down in this regard. I am sorry. I don't hate women. I don't hate WL's. I respect all women. I don't think WL's are "money hungry whores" and I wasn't trying to imply you are untrustworthy. That was poor communication on part which is something that I fail at a lot.

 

But also I feel like before you shout me down try and see where I'm coming from. The person nobody cares about. The person that no woman would look at. The person that has no place living. The person that is the proverbial "not even if we were the last two people left on this planet" and then try and see why I don't believe your thinking. You may be right but I'll never know and you'll never be able to prove it so all I have are my non-paid experiences and that's the world where you do care. It doesn't really matter anymore. I wasn't trying to offend WL's so again I'm sorry. Truly.

 

Maybe a few, some, a lot or most women aren't superficial. Maybe I've had bad luck. Maybe I'm right. It doesn't matter anymore. It's too late. Some of what I said might be considered misogynistic which again was not my intention. It's just a fact of my life. Other people have different experiences. What I say on here doesn't represent who I am though. It's just the only way I can freely discuss being a worthless piece of shit without embarrassment. It's too easy to express negativity in an anonymous capacity like this. So at times in expressing how pathetic of a combination of DNA I am people it comes across as misogyny. Not my intention.

 

I was going to say something else but I've forgotten. Thanks to people who participated in the blog discussions. I hope love really does exist. I hope reincarnation doesn't.

 

I said before that I don't belong in this world and I don't. The "punting" world or the "real" world. All I wanted was to feel like a lady enjoyed my time but I'm too far gone and fucked in the head to ever notice if she would or not. If one did there is no way to know if it was because of the money or not.

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Although i never responded too your posts, i did enjoy reading them and the replies from others, as i think you look at things from a different angle which in turn made me think. I too sometimes think that i belong somewhere else, dont know where but somewhere else all the same, not fitting in not fitting out just in this limbo of time, not really living but just existing for what i dont know. Maybe this is all a cruel joke that god has created, a toy to play with called human kind.  I am truly sadden to read that you wish not to write your insightful learnings for us too ponder, you will be truly  missed thanks for sharing. 

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CaptainDarling

Posted

 

Hi,

 

I usually feel like I'm an outsider too, so I have always tried to understand what you mean in your posts instead of what you are actually saying.

 

On more than one occasion I thought I understood your point, and then your very next post would contradict my understand.

 

Good luck with your personal path. We all have a path, and we never know how long it will be until we arrive at the very end of it and can see the writing on the wall.

 

I urge you to talk to some suitable qualified medical people. Nothing you are currently feeling or experiencing is unique, and I'm absolutely certain there is some good advice available to you if you will only take the time to seek it out and listen properly.

 

Good luck with it though.

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angel-baybe monet

Posted

I really enjoy your contributions and have never had any negative vibes.

 

PLEASE STAY!!!

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I don't think I've contradicted myself on this website. I'm genuinely curious where I may have done so, could you please show me so I can re-evaluate what I have said? I'm curious now. I am going to go through my posts.

 

I admit I often double guess my own thoughts because I'm not really smart so I can never be confident I'm right. But also I just say what I feel and I can change an opinion just on how I am that day. I don't know.

 

I'm surprised people even like what I say. I don't have anything exciting to say I'm just a lonely idiot. I like angel-baybe monet blog she has cool stuff to talk about it.

 

I just deleted two paragraphs. That's not suitable for the blog I wouldn't put even strangers I've never met through reading that stuff. Some things are better kept as thoughts. I want to say it, but it's not suitable. Tough to make. Saying my thoughts here is therapeutic.

 

I'll re-evaluate leaving permanently. Not just this website.

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And no I don't want attention or any of that so don't tell me that. I hate attention. I write my thoughts here because it's therapeutic. I'm alone so it's healthy for me to put it out there. That's why sometimes I talk about ************* and other times I talk about whether love exists. Emotion to questions.

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curiousasian

Posted

Personally, I really think its really a matter of misunderstanding on sensative subjects.

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I really enjoy your contributions and have never had any negative vibes.

 

PLEASE STAY!!!

 

+1

 

Frankly, I think you are so harsh on yourself that you are refusing to consider that a WL really may enjoy spending time with you.

 

Ease up on yourself and then I think you will find that a WL will be pleased to see you, for the pleasure of your company.

 

My 2 cents

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angel-baybe monet

Posted

I'd TOTALLY enjoy spending time with you! Agreed. I value your contributions, and really think you ARE smart, on the contrary, that's why you struggle with writing/ perhaps the medium does not match what you mean to say?

 

I'm not sure.

 

What I WILL say is that No One is perfect. And we need to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all.

As we go through life, challenges arise to help us keep growing. We’re human and we have layers. Just when we think we’ve learned something, life comes along and shows us there’s more.

 

XXX Much Light to you

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I'm supposed to see this lady this week but I'm fearing I'm coming down with a cold. I just had one of those sneezing fits and my nose runny a bit now. I'm going to be really pissed off if I get sick this week and can't see her, if ever I needed to spend time with someone it's right now (not literally right this second, not that I would say no right this second) I wouldn't even care if we didn't have sex, just to hold a woman and receive their energy is......I don't know how to explain it, problems don't exist when that happens. Yeah I know that sounds cheesy but in truth I probably long for the basics of intimacy more than the fuck of a lifetime. That's what happens when you don't get experience love.

 

A lot of negative opinions exist about me but I think that to be considered unreliable would be the worst. I don't want that to exist between us when so far it has been blemish free. I don't want to waste her time.

 

I wish that I was a few years older so that I could see angel-baybe monet. I would definitely enjoy time with you. I like your blogs and your comments they've made think about some things differently to how I normally would see things. If someone can learn from you without you teaching them that's a pretty good talent. I think that I struggle with articulating my thoughts rather than struggling with writing or speaking. Things make sense to me in my head but then it's time to project those scrambled wavelengths and things don't come together well. Lol.

 

I regret removing my discussions, not because I think what I said was important they weren't but other people posted some good thoughts so I feel bad that their contribution has been removed.

 

I lost something valuable to me today/last night. I can't find it. I'm sad about it. I've turned the house upside down for it but I'm resigned to it being gone. I'm really bugged by this. There's only a small few places it could be and it's not there. Did I take it out on my way out in my rush and drop it out in the street? Far out.

 

Maybe I am harsh on myself just a little bit. I think that to some degree the lady I see enjoys my time because I don't think she would see me if she didn't. I'm at least respectful that should get me above the arseholes.

 

Do you know those people who give advice but then don't take that advice? That's me. For example I don't care about looks in a woman because your skin is only an armour to protect your functionality of your body, so why would it matter? (A reason why racism is stupid too, skin is just armour who cares about the colour of it, but I digress) But then, when the situation applies to me, I don't understand why the previous logic that I already believe in for other people I don't for myself. It's very weird. I hate it. I don't know. I think that I have written too much even though I could go on. I write these on the note app in my phone so I might keep going there and if it's good I'll post it.

 

Did nobody really notice the pictures I used to post on these?

 

Thanks for reading if you got to this point.

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CaptainDarling

Posted

 

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players.

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

...

-The Bard

 

* * *

 

Ok try this.

 

I have a process when I am feeling lonely or jumbled. I write it down. I write it down as if I was going to show it to my best friend and therefore I try to be as honest about myself as possible.

 

Then, and here the really really important bit, I save it in the Cloud, on a service like Dropbox etc.

 

Often the process of writing it down is a wonderful cleansing thing.

 

I may start writing with a lot of vitriol or airy-fairy stuff, or my loneliness shines through in the harsh blue light.

 

Sometimes I'm a little shocked at how much dark and sinister venom I had inside me, stuff that just needed to be expressed.

 

However sometimes I'm gratified at what a cool guy I am being today.

 

Either way, at this stage the stuff has an audience of one. Me! No other Ego's are involved. No fallout is heading my way – possibly as other people would overreact to my words etc.

 

Knowing that the stuff is there and documented often reduces my need to post it all over the Internet or Tweet my every bowel movement and rainy day - the way most Twitter users do.

 

Just getting it out is usually “therapy enough” I suppose ;)

 

Then, after some time has passed, and because “All the worlds a stage” (above) I may take the best bits and rewrite them as PP BLOG entries.

 

So the side of me that I choose to openly post is heavily modified, for public consumption as it were.

 

But again if you find you are swimming too far from the shore, I urge you to seek qualified medical professional help to get some solid ground under your feet again. Seeking comfort in the arms of a stranger in return for money is a stop-gap at best :(

 

Good luck with it though.

 

Hugs

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I wish that I was a few years older so that I could see angel-baybe monet. I would definitely enjoy time with you.

 

Why not see her anyway?

 

Angel Baybe Monet has indicated in this blog that she would welcome seeing you.

 

The age difference doesn't matter in a punt. I punt with girls who are half my age anmd that age difference does not matter.

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angel-baybe monet

Posted

Hahaha! He has clearly read my profile

 

'please note, I prefer to only see men aged 33 yrs and over. Older men know how to make love to my body and my mind...'

 
 
HOWEVER. This is to deter those with no emotional experience. You are wordly. I can tell by your writing. You are interesting--we could talk for hours, I know it.
 
PM me anyway. See the WL you were going to see (I don't cut grass), and let's arrange something for future reference if you are keen
 
XXX
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angel-baybe monet

Posted

Treat yourself kindly

Allow yourself to write as Mal suggests, express those emotions—the unpleasant ones that sometimes drive us to suppress them by numbing means, and the good ones.

 

Restricting the flow of painful feelings impedes the flow of the positive ones, for human emotions all flow through the same pipeline. We are blessed with a rich emotional make-up. We need to give ourselves permission to feel. This helps create a rich, authentic life.

 

Once we are aware of our feelings, we can then choose how we act and respond.

 

How we feel is a choice, you know? XXX

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Hahaha! He has clearly read my profile

 

'please note, I prefer to only see men aged 33 yrs and over. Older men know how to make love to my body and my mind...'

 

 

I also read your profile, included the bolded line quoted above.

 

And I read it before I made the above post.

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JessicaLuscious

Posted

You Completely misunderstood me......

 

I meant.... I am sure she would ACTUALLY Enjoy herself

Rather than Pretend to Enjoy herself.

 

No offense whatsoever.

 

Take Care

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How do I get all the stuff to the right of the home forum page back? There was the list of new blogs and new topics and I've somehow accidentally clicked it off and I can't work out where to put it back on. It's a big process now to find things now.

 

 

I like to write things down but usually there's something...false about if I write it just for myself. It's not seeking validation of my thoughts but more validation that I actually wrote it.

 

 

I don't think I need help but maybe I'm in denial. My best mate was put in to see help and they've got him on so many pills and drugs it's terrible. I don't believe in these drugs they prescribe for you but that's a whole other topic that I'll get to one day.

 

 

I think that my thing is - I wouldn't call it a problem - is that I just express my feelings and sometimes I'm even oblivious to what I write. My typing is three steps behind my thought process so by the time I've written this It's not absorbed in to my mind because I'm on the next paragraph - also listening to Pink Floyd so I'm distracted too - so if what I say sometimes appears over the top even though that's how I feel I might not have actually completely taken in my own thoughts.

 

 

I'm not seeking any escape of my problems through paid services with a WL either. I know what it is between us but at the same time it's an escape to another realm where I don't live in. It's like being the 5th dimension.

 

 

Treat yourself kindly

Allow yourself to write as Mal suggests, express those emotions—the unpleasant ones that sometimes drive us to suppress them by numbing means, and the good ones.

 

Restricting the flow of painful feelings impedes the flow of the positive ones, for human emotions all flow through the same pipeline. We are blessed with a rich emotional make-up. We need to give ourselves permission to feel. This helps create a rich, authentic life.

 

Once we are aware of our feelings, we can then choose how we act and respond.

 

How we feel is a choice, you know? XXX

 

I love this. I hope this isn't a misinterpretation of what you said though what I'm about to say.

 

So once on this website I said that we need to have an equal amount of negative emotions as well as positive emotions because they balance each other out. You need to cry as often as you smile, I think. If you've never been sad then how can you be happy? If you've never been happy then how can you be sad? But then someone called me an idiot and pretty much said I was stupid but it didn't bother me because I feel like their inability to attempt to understand where I was coming from isn't my problem, not everyone agrees with what you will say and even less will disagree but at least acknowledge what you were getting at.

 

I think that it's unhealthy to repress any emotions because all you do is let something inside of you simmer and eventually it will come out overcharged and you'll be ill prepared for what's coming. I don't believe in forcing happiness or actively searching for happiness because I don't think you can fake it and the pursuit of it could potentially lead to being very unhappy. I just try to take emotions as they come. Unfortunately lately they've been at the bottom of the barrel.

 

I cut this response down, what I wrote took a turn on to what I think is perfection and what a "God" or "all with one" being would be lol

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How do I get all the stuff to the right of the home forum page back? There was the list of new blogs and new topics and I've somehow accidentally clicked it off and I can't work out where to put it back on. It's a big process now to find things now.

 

When you are reading this, go to the top of the page until you see the "Forums" icon.

Click on that "Forums" icon and that will take you to the main page.

Thn hovr your cursor around under the "view new content" box until you see a little square appear containg a "<<".

Click on that little box and the list of new blogs and topics will reappear.

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angel-baybe monet

Posted

So once on this website I said that we need to have an equal amount of negative emotions as well as positive emotions because they balance each other out. You need to cry as often as you smile, I think. If you've never been sad then how can you be happy? ...

I think that it's unhealthy to repress any emotions because all you do is let something inside of you simmer and eventually it will come out overcharged and you'll be ill prepared for what's coming.

 

YES!

 

I am one of the happiest people! And I am happy to bawl my eyes out in the street so hard. I tell people 'I love you' and show them so deeply and freely...when I am feeling sad, I punch things and domme.

It's the yin and the yan--balance

 

EXPRESS! DON'T SUPPRESS!

 

XXX

 

 

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angel-baybe monet

Posted

 

ok well, fair enough, you obviously picked up on the fact that I feel for this sensitive 'fetus' boy

 

XXX

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I've got the stuff at the right happening again thanks. Am I a sensitive fetus boy? I don't know what that means really ha ha ha

 

There's some pretty unhealthy opinions about crying. There's no weakness to it. You're not inferior if you cry. It's just an emotion. I find that crying usually shows how much you care about something or someone, except for physical pain which just hurts very badly.

 

One time a few years ago I met a girl at the pub and we chatted and things were cool, we were both pissed so she was obviously a bit more comfortable with me and I was a bit younger, and we went back to her house and had......fun......but then after wards she cried her heart out. Her father had just died and from memory I think not long before that her brother had committed suicide but in truth I can't remember if that was another girl or not, this girl her father had definitely just died. She definitely had been suppressing her emotions. I'm almost positive that was the first time she had cried about what happened. I'm also positive that when she was crying and giving her heart out that she had no idea who I was (probably didn't anyway) or that I was even there, it was just her consumed by emotions. Probably one of the most emotionally difficult experiences I've had since I turned 21. What do you say or do in that situation? I just stayed quiet and hugged her. I don't usually have inspiring stuff to stay so I figured saying nothing won't upset her. Actions speak louder than words sometimes, right?

 

I'm glad Jessica Luscious wasn't angry at me over that comment too.

 

angel-baybe monet can I PM you a question?

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I was going to write a whole thing but instead I'm going to pass on it for now.

 

Instead I will say that "melted chocolate baby brown" might be the coolest description for eyes - or any part of the body - I've read. I might describe mine as stranded at sea blue. Not as cool. I'm not creative.

 

I think maybe it's time the next topic I start up is at least relevant to this website so I might throw up a few sexual fantasies or something. I'm going to write it now and see how we go.

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angel-baybe monet

Posted

Sure :)

 

(Oh I just call anyone a fetus when they are younger. Just a casual remark)

 

XXX

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angel-baybe monet

Posted

Oh everyone goes on about my eyes....

 

so I just came up with it---

 

 

 

it was that and the first thing I (ever) said to my ex girlfriend prior to our dating;

 

'I could melt in your eyes...I could drown in them..'

 

She looked at me like I was a dick, laughed and shoved me aside.

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I had a girl once describe my eyes the sky because they have little white specs scattered amongst the blue, like clouds in the sky she said.

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