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A Sex Worker's Memoir


Nightwatchman

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I was browsing through the news.com.au website a couple of days ago and came across an article about a sex worker's memoir. I don't think the lady was forced into prostitution but she obviously hated it and certainly didn't want to bond with the clients. The fact that she had a drug addiction wouldn't have helped and there might have been an element of writing what people want to read in the hope that it will help sales.

 

Regardless, it got me thinking. I have always said punting is a financial transaction first and foremost so I am under no illusion as to what I am getting myself into. Having said that my experience with WLs are vastly different in that most of the ladies seem to be in control of their lives and are comfortable with who they are and what they are doing. I hope my impression is at least somewhere near the mark because it is not a nice thought to ask someone to do something that they absolutely hate even if I am paying for it.

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Some years ago I read a very interesting biography of a young girl in Berlin who became addicted to heroine and slid into prostitution to finance her habit. She was an underage prostitute doing it solely for money to by her drugs. It was a very well written book illustrating how she gradually slid into her private drug hell. She did not like being a prostitute at all. The book did have a happy ending as she was finally sent to drug rehabilitation and then sent far away from her drug scene in Berlin, to Hamburg.

 

She did not want to be a prostitute so that stopped when her drug habit ended. It was a job she hated but the desire for drugs was overwhelming. She was not in control of her life and hated what she was doing.

 

I am willing to see a wl who hates her job provides she gives clear and unambiguous consent. I once had an agreeable evening with a wl who openly admitted she hated her job and loathed her clients. She was quite an eloquent lass and clearly set out how her views had evolved over time, and she was pleasant to me. It was a very interesting and insightful conversation. This topic of conversation continued while I was actually fucking her, and enjoying it. She gave the agreed services without hesitation leaving no doubt that she consented. I did not even need to request any service or otherwise engage in any discussion of service at any time during that session, the service was simply dished up on a plate. Jolly good work ethic. I booked her again and also enjoyed the second encounter.

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Must confess that wouldn't work for me. We are all wired differently, knowing a women hates whatever it is that's on offer and despises the man doing it would render me unable to proceed even if there was some form of consent.

 

 

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CaptainDarling

Posted

I was seeing a lady privately, and before and after the sex I used to sit on her couch while she fielded call after call of time-wasters and stoopid dicks trying to get discounts from her.

 

After she was particularly short with one caller I made a comment about how that guy would never call her back. She said yes he probably will and that he wants sex and he can get it from her for a fair price.

 

She had been doing this for quite a while, and was very very very used to men that buy sex, and how they think.

 

She is quite a sweet, gentle person, but I am certain she doesn't have the capability of the inclination to love or desire every person she has commercial sex with.

 

And I'm also pretty sure she doesn't particular care for her job as a sex worker. But she can make good money very quickly, so at that level that is a like a trap, keeping her in the sex industry despite her total lack of satisfaction from the work.

 

One interesting time I called about going over to see her for some more sex. I was so horny and had been waiting all week to jump all over her and get some serious penetrating done. On the phone she said she was really not at her best today and that maybe I should save my money and reschedule. We talk, her mood changes, and I go over and take her out for a top dinner instead. After a while she tells me why she is not at her best today, and I get a little insight into how tough this gig can be at times. :'(

 

Many folks will see her as just an attractive collection of damp orifices, and after their sperm is deposited in the bag, that is the end of their interest in her - until next time.

 

I see her as a very complicated and interesting person, perhaps cursed in a way, by having a desirable figure, a beautiful face, combined with very limited employment options.

 

I'm not responsible for her getting to where she is now.

 

And I can't take responsibility for getting her to somewhere/something else.

 

What I can do, is to do my very best not to make her current position any more complicated than it is now.

 

Although it seems this is the least that I can do, it is also the most that she is willing to accept for me to do for her.

 

Despite all this, I still really enjoy seeing her naked and want to keep doing it.

 

Maybe it's all one sided, but sometimes I think she and I have made “strong like” to each other, and perhaps even come fairly close to “making love” to each other. Lol

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Nice post Blake.

 

I agree and have seen first hand they way some men treat SWs and it sometimes amazes me how they handle it mostly with Grace and aplomb, the odd twitter tirade notwithstanding.

 

I don't for a minute think they love me, but if they are not having a good day honesty will certainly ensure I will come back on a good one :)

 

 

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I think RF and Blake you both summed it up my thoughts pretty well. Whilst I accept that it is work to the ladies and they are not going to enjoy it every time, I definitely don't want to be part of their nightmare either.

 

Sure, I am paying for sex but I am still dealing with another human being and I actually care about the ladies I see. So like RF said earlier, I couldn't go through with it either if I knew the lady genuinely hates what she is doing. The irony though while I might feel better about myself it is probably not going make one iota of difference to the lady.

 

Does demand really drive supply? So, are we punters to blame? God, my head hurts.

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I think RF and Blake you both summed it up my thoughts pretty well. Whilst I accept that it is work to the ladies and they are not going to enjoy it every time, I definitely don't want to be part of their nightmare either.

 

Sure, I am paying for sex but I am still dealing with another human being and I actually care about the ladies I see.

 

 

Tend to agree with this comment NW.

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Must confess that wouldn't work for me. We are all wired differently, knowing a women hates whatever it is that's on offer and despises the man doing it would render me unable to proceed even if there was some form of consent.

 

I do look at it a little differently. Lot's of people hate their jobs but nevertheless do their jobs, and do them well. If a wl tells me she is willing to do something then I accept her word at face value as I think a wl's real tastes in sex are none of my business. Ultimately, she is creating an experience for me, her paying client. She can tell me what she wants me to know. I do not ask the bank teller if he really enjoys his job and similarly I do not ask a wl what she really likes in bed. If she tells me likes something then I accept that she likes it.

 

There are great many people in customer service roles who have a negative attitude towards customers in general. Yet they do not have a negative attitude to people in general and do give agreeable services to customers who are well mannered and considerate.

 

So it is that a wl may hate her job and I may still enjoy calling on her. If she despised me I would walk out. I do require that she do her work willingly and be agreeable and polite to me. I am not going to psychoanalyse her to decide whether or not seeing her is good for her. Whether or not she wishes to accept my booking offer is her decision and hers alone.

 

In the example I mentioned the girl was thoroughly fed up dealing with emotional needs and overly fussy service expectations. All I wanted from her was a fuck. Easy, straightforward work with no emotional wants. She received a massage and then fucked me and that was it, easy money. She did make herself agreeable. And a couple of other little services I wouldn't have minded were not mentioned by me to "cut her some slack".

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Grace Bellavue

Posted

I find this fascinating.

 

From my personal perspective – I've gone through different iterations as a sex worker. I've worked in brothels and agencies and enjoyed being anon to a degree – you rock up, deliver a good service and think nothing more of it.

 

I didn't have the hassle of running a business so it could be work. I was possibly a better sex worker in a sense – I could focus on the sex versus having a thousand things running through my mind and also challenging myself regarding chemistry and  connection with a person.

 

Reminds me of when I first started working. I'd built this idea (at 17) that I'd never sell my soul or it was a finite thing, something tangible or with a definite limit that would expire at point x when I'd sold x of my sexual labour.

 

I also thought as soon as I embarked on transactional sex that something would be missing in my eyes. I finished my first shit, went home to my unaware boyfriend at 7am, pretended I'd been clubbing all night and looked in the mirror to see if I looked different, that tangible soul piece was gone. It wasn't.

 

I basically thrashed it after that – my focus was on the money and turnover. I'd forget my client ten minutes after they left. Disassociation was in full effect and I wasn't happy. Sex work was killing me.

 

Cue the third iteration where I left a partner for sex work and I was fascinated about love, sex, energy. I'd love to get into tantric down the track but this was more of, I have been raised to value human beings in all their forms how can I love a stranger, temporarily?

 

I'm not sure if it was a form of emotional deconstruction – but I've tried. In response I've met some incredible people and developed a talent to just click with everyone. 

 

I've burnt out repeatedly over the last 18 months, some to detrimental effect on my mental health and I was hospitalised last year because I just stopped. It felt like I had no fucks left to give, literally.

 

It regenerates, for some weird reason every time you break down or burn out you expand that capacity for energy transactions with people.

 

Curse me for being poetic but I do love what I do and that involves loving people – and for a lot of clients it can be confrontational. I'm finally learning the art of loving and temporal, yet some clients don't have those skills so you get the energy drag down of trying to maintain constant communication and relationships until your self time is thin.

 

I understand my view can be unique – as I was taught to do whatever I did with passion and heart whilst maintaining a set of values. Trust me – I thought, and still think of killing Grace and just moonlighting under an alias for more disassociated, transient transactional sex.

 

I can't. I feel lesser, I feel empty, unhappy and like I am being used or I'm accepting situations or people into my body and psyche that are taking my energy without gaining that natural reciprocation.

 

Sometimes my morals and poetic, possibly deep view on what I do shoots me in the fucking arse.

 

I'd make a lot more money if I could dumb down, implant, fawn, cater, and deal in the power plays.

 

But inevitably I go to bed and I feel at peace with my choices. Sometimes I even feel proud.

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CaptainDarling

Posted

 

Nice post Grace. Interesting reading and well written. Thanks.

 

I used to be a teacher in Adult education and I found I put too much of myself into the job.

 

I would take lack of engagement from the students very much to heart, as if I hadn't done enough to get them to understand and enjoy.

 

Like you, I badly burned out, and I suspect for quite similar reasons.

 

What I have learned is that some people are just not worthy of our fullest attention.

 

Also some people are not able to meet us half-way, because of their own hang-ups or dramas, and it's probably better to just give them a taste of what they are missing, rather than let yourself get upset and stressed with trying too hard to please.

 

My two cents.

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@ Kirsis, I would think a bank teller hating her job and a sex worker hating what she does for a living is really not a fair comparison in terms of the degree of sufferance both mentally and physically.  Although I get where you are coming from, I don't think there is right or wrong, it all comes down to your own attitude.  Like I said, I realise my decision won't change anything for the lady or an even worse outcome in financial terms, it is more about me couldn't get past myself if I knew.

 

@ Grace, thanks for sharing, I have been hoping for a contribution or two from the ladies here.  Maybe I am a bit of an idealist, I think it is very important to be true to yourself regardless of what you do, keep it up.

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I remember how much I enjoyed my work while single and hated it and myself doing it while I was in a relationship, I remember that once I had a client that I hadnt seen in a year or so, and we chit chatted and he says that you dont want to be doing this forever and the energy became very awqard for the rest of tye session because he realised how much I alwready didnt want to be there

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Thank you Grace for the post.  I bring my heart into my work, and find that that translates (quite often) into my personal satisfaction, and that of my clients.  Issues arise when my clients don't understand what I am offering them, or I don't understand their need for distance. 

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