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“It’s a fine line between pleasure and pain”


Paris

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We recently lost Chrissy Amphlett of Divinyls fame. One of the most haunting memories of their music is still the lyric saying “it’s a fine line between pleasure and pain”. Nowhere is that more evident than in our industry where clients and providers indulge in varying degrees of pleasure and pain, fantasy and reality, sub-culture versus mainstream. For a vast majority of encounters, the standard fare applies, with maybe experimentation extending only to the point of requesting different outfits, or basically an adult version of “dress ups”. If you’re dealing in the premium market, sure you have to put on the charm and grace to be the arm candy for a CEO or a high-flying business person.

 

But there is also the very select market that occasionally dances on the wild side – some BDSM, perhaps dressing up as babies with giant bottles and dummies, maybe golden and brown showers, or even “sploshing”. Whenever we venture into these more adventurous and potentially harmful encounters, trust becomes the single most important element. Aside from trust, the establishment of limits or thresholds, the agreement on safe words or phrases to ease up or fully halt the experience are just some of the mandatory elements towards the experience.

 

Every now and then, we hear of someone going that bit too far. Not that long ago, we lost a beloved member of our fraternity, the legendary Miss Jazzy-O, purportedly to an experience taken a little too far. Theories abound as to the demise of Michael Hutchence, and more recently that of David Carradine, where auto-erotic asphyxiation gone wrong has been proffered as an explanation. It always serves as a timely warning that if you have to ask if something is ok, then intuitively the answer should be “NO!”

 

A more subtle but no less important factor is that of familiarity. Oftentimes with regulars, we have built up a rapport and a level of trust that we push the boundaries, we let things slide, we let each other get away with things we otherwise would never tolerate. The trouble with this is that some people extrapolate this too far and take it as carte blanche to do anything they want. That should never be the case. We should never assume we have carte blanche to do anything and everything. Even our dearest and most beloved don’t have that level of tether-less freedom!

 

Only just this week, I had an encounter with someone whom I thought was a regular. We’d seen each other on about half a dozen occasions. We had experimented with some elements of Dom/Sub scenarios, given my own recent desire to explore the world of BDSM. However, this time, without warning or consent, the encounter descended rapidly into one of pain, domination without consent, humiliation and physical injury. He struck me. Not accidentally, intentionally. Not a single isolated strike, but several. He gave me a blood nose, I have to see a dentist as some of my teeth feel loose, he forcibly penetrated me without preparation or lubrication. I kicked him out of the room and his only excuse was “I had a bad day”. Well, Adrian Bayley had a bad day and Jill Meagher paid the price ... unacceptable. On August 9th in 1987, Julian Knight had a bad day and seven people paid the ultimate price in Clifton Hill … unacceptable. On the 28th of April in 1996 in Port Arthur, Martin Bryant had a bad day. 35 people – including children – paid the price … unacceptable. In the late 1800s, around the Whitechapel district of London, a very frustrated and misguided soul had several bad days – at least 11 by all accounts – and ran his own personal vigilante campaign. He was later known as Jack the Ripper. Totally unacceptable.

 

We started off by saying that it’s a fine line between pleasure and pain. Unfortunately, that is as far as I can agree with Chrissy. The next 2 lines of the song are “you’ve done it once, you can do it again” and “whatever you done, don’t try to explain”. No, you can’t do it again, and yes, you will have to explain [to the authorities] why you’ve done what you’ve done. For the sake of others, and their safety, the rattlesnake has to be exposed. And this is where the buck stops, as does this blog.

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I agree with all your comments and I feel for you on a few levels.

 

I'm sorry for your physical injuries- naturally. Like duh

 

But I'm also expecting you are maybe feeling the very normal and understandable feelings of self doubt and perhaps some confusion. Perhaps asking yourself how you failed to see it coming or how wrong you could be about someone.

 

This too shall pass.

 

It wasn't your fault!

 

The kind of monkey that can get slappy with a woman and write if off as a 'bad day' - clearly has a very cracked view of life and people, and was probably off his meds.

 

Please don't give up on us men. We have faults for sure, and I'm sure the majority of us keep our crazy on a short leash.

 

Luv

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Cant really say anything..just dumbfounded that such a beautiful woman could have this done to her when she had given her trust freely.

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Dreadful behaviour to take out his bad day on you in such a vulnerable position.

 

Well done for kicking him out.

 

I feel ashamed that men do such horrible things to women.

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There are fuckwits everywhere, you will realise this as you get older, this guy is just another.

I'll bet my balls he wouldn't have a go at a bloke, blokes punch back.

These cunts are as weak as piss.

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I am really sorry you had an awful experience absolutely no excuse for a male to do this to a lady. Unfortunately there are low life's in this world hope you don't think all males are like him

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Paris my darling, I know you well enough that the psychological hurt will far outweigh the physical pain. But I also know the woman I love to bits and the strength she demonstrates to overcome all obstacles in her life. I know that the Paris we all know and love will rise above this, will find courage in the face of adversity, will demonstrate strength of character in the face of cowardly oppression, and above all will show grace under fire.

 

The Paris I know will stand the test of time, and fuckwit after fuckwit, scumbag after scumbag, arsehole after arsehole will all fall by the wayside, but you will remain a monument of strength, of courage, of perseverance, of real inner joy and peace that brightens up the darkness around us. A symbol of hope to the oppressed, a beacon of faith to those just finding their way, and a testament to the "Bravehearts" of the world that scumbags can take your physical being but they can never take your dignity.

 

Know this - that you are much loved by both punter and WL alike. And that makes you very special indeed. So, take the time to recover from this, take some "me" time for as long as you need to rediscover the true Paris, and then embark on a fresh journey having conquered the demons who tried to fuck with your mind but were driven out by the purity of your heart.

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Unlike, La Cucaracha, I do not know you at all, however I was as outraged as anyone at reading what this arsehole did to you. We all have boundaries that we may choose to relax as we become familiar with someone, but even so, they always exist and they must always be respected without question. From the look of it though, what happened to you was not simply an issue of exceeding boundaries, it was just plain physical assault.

 

I wish you well in dealing with with the hurt you are no doubt feeling. I trust that your inner strength will allow you to get past this and not allow this arsehole to leave a permanent mark.

 

I will differ from previous posters on one point. This arsehole is not a man. Real men do not do this sort of thing.

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To be treated like that is so horribly wrong. Your comments are so true and the respect should of been there. Unfortunately there is always one bad apple that can spoil it for the rest. I hope you have fully recovered, not only physically but also mentally and I look forward to my visit with you on the 30th .

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Hi,

Sorry to hear this happened to you Paris.

Can you share his details please?

Thanks

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This is just disgusting & made me sick to my stomach. I hope you're ok & got support around you. I'm so glad you reported it, as so many incidents go unreported as girls don't want to be outed but it just means the person does it again and escalates the behavior.

Thank you gorgeous for being strong & protecting us.

Xx

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No place in any society culture or sub culture where this sort of behaviour should be accepted. It is people like this who makes us realise that some us are not sufficiently evolved and still to close to the apes.

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Shame on that person....bastard. Paris so sorry to hear this, hope you are doing ok

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I am so sorry you had this experience. It makes me sick to think you had to endure this, and with someone you had a trust situation with. He is not a man, he is a revolting excuse for a human being.

Please share his details if you can so we can all stay far away from him.

Rest up, take care and big hugs xxx

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Truly unacceptable and vicious behavior. 

Violence against others, especially women, from various girlfriends and my own experiences,

i deeply despise. 

 

This is a big problem in this industry as well as in life in general - not only physical

violence but verbal cruelty, by text message, email, slandering and various other

ways are used to hurt others - it is incredibly disgusting how some people treat their

fellow human beings bc they feel they have the right to do so why ever.

 

Paris i am very sorry to hear what happened to you and i am glad to hear you will

put him in line with the help of the authorities. Rape and violence are crimes that

need to be pursued.

 

Maybe we all need to think about what we do to make others feel uncomfortable

in every day life or even hurt them and stop it and try to make a little difference by being

kinder and more understanding. But that's just the small things that in comparison to

what happened to Paris seem almost unworthy mentioning. 

 

Paris get well and even stronger.

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Dear Paris,

 

I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. Thank you so much for reporting the incident to protect the rest of us.

 

From personal experience, recovering from such horrific incident is a journey- you may experience anger, depression, shame, anxiety, and feel that everything is falling apart; as well as recurring nightmares and flashbacks. But trust me, you will come out stronger and understand yourself even better.

 

Thank you for not letting scumbags like that get away- because it's quite likely that they will try to attack someone else again and again. We working girls might be an easy target but we surely are ready to defend our basic rights!

 

Stay strong hun! Take care xx

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Truly devastated to hear this happened. You are a wonderful person who has done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment. 

 

I wish you all the best in whatever you do from here on.

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I'm so sorry on behalf of half decent men . This scurge of society needs to be dealt with . However Paris , this doesn't help you at the moment . Please be well & strong and look for the positive . I'm here if you need to talk . Ur old friend Mav :-) x

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I really wish there's something I can do. It's just not OK that this happens in our community. Like one person poisoning the whole well. 

 

I hope you are doing better. 

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