Before i start this, ill just like to let everyone know, I'm not the best at writing, nor have i wrote about this before so bare with me.
I'd also like to thank Femme, after reading her blog i decided i should try and share my story as well.
I guess ill start with a little bit about myself before i get in the the main reason i wrote this.
all my life, I've been sort of a loner, happy but a loner, school for me i didn’t have much friends, only bullied every so often, and a bit of a nerd. mind you now I'm proud to call myself a nerd lol
living in Darwin, i went to a fairly small school, so never had a girlfriend, and hardly went out town to meet people.
After school i decided to head over to America to work some of the summer camps. when i was over there, i met who i would say has been the biggest impact of my life, lets call her Rachel
While over in America we spent as much time with each other as was possible, worked together, then after camp traveling around the rest of America for 3 weeks.
Her living in Israel and me in Australia made things a bit difficult but talked to each other just about every day.
A year came around and we met in America for the camp, then more traveling in USA. couple months later it was a month in japan holiday with each other.
During the rest of the year we made plans for America again, then to visit her in Israel for a while, as she loved talking about Israel and how great it was.
3 weeks before i left to America i got the worst news i could have imagined, i found out she had died in a car crash, a week ago. obviously i was devastated.
Canceled my trip to America, and started drinking, ended up losing what little friends i had, lost my job and sunk lower and lower into depression.
As I had never really been good at showing emotions, I didn’t look for any help from anyone, parents to this day don’t even know a thing about me meeting Rachel, or planing to live, travel around with her in Israel, they thought I was just working longer in USA
After 3 months of that, i got a message from one of my friends in Israel started trying to talk to me through facebook, i said i was fine, but they must have guessed, telling me that Rachel would not like me to waste my life.
For the next few months i tried to turn my life around, got a job, stopped drinking.
Even though i was trying, it just seemed like i was going thru the motions, not really "living" if that makes sense
Then about 2 months ago in September i was at my lowest of the low, every day it just got worse. hardly any friends, never been with a woman before (fully that is).
I decided i still had a couple things i wanted to at least try before i couldn’t take it anymore.
That’s when i started looking at seeing an escort, back then i was still naive as anything, didn’t even know if WL's where legal in Darwin.
After a couple emails, and texts to a certain WL i decided to go thru with it, and met her that night.
The plan was have a couple hours "fun" then off myself the next day, had it all planned out, had written my note, didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to, parents i never really talked to, even though i lived with them.
The night came, i was just expecting, some sort of unconnected sex, with maybe some forced conversation, wasn’t expecting anything apart from the sex really.
What i got though, honestly saved my life, sure there was sex but what surprised me the most was how "real" it felt. i ended up staying the night, talking, snuggling, and just enjoying myself.
To me, that night was the best night I have had in a very long time, just nice to know that someone, even someone I payed to spend time with, actually seems to care about me
After that night, I realized I was actually happy, not just because of the sex, I've even had bookings where we have no sex, just dinner, cuddles and TV, then sleep together.
That was just over 2 months ago, since then, I have actually started to talk to old friends again, enjoy myself a little, and actually have some things to look forward to during the day, mind you its not much, but defiantly an improvement.
Just last week, I decided to tell the WL I met about everything, and how much she has done for me, was hard at first, but I'm happy I have told someone else.
Mind you, I still know more people through the couple games I play then in real life, but I feel like that there is a reason to celebrate.
All in all if I hadn’t of seen that amazing woman that night, I don’t know if I would have been here to write this.
I guess to anyone reading this, there is always a reason to continue on, even try spending time with a WL, its sometimes nice to just spend a night with another human.
Hope this wasn’t to bad, first time writing anything like this, plus its hard for me to write anything that doesn’t look like I rolled my head all over the keyboard lol
i would just like to add, i am extremely happy that Saige Devine has become part of my life, one of the best things that could of happend to me thanks so much Saige xxxx