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What is wrong with me? Why is it so difficult for me to trust people?


Melbguy1980

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Today has been the most frustrating day of my life. I paid a heavy price for a personal flaw that has affected every single punter-WL relationship I had. Trust, how do people learn to trust others?

 

I remember when I was young, we had to do this team building exercise where one is supposed to stand on a class room desk, back facing all your peers, and let yourself fall backwards trusting your mates will catch you and not let you fall and land on the ground. It was one of the most daunting experience for me, as the key to ensure your mates can catch you properly was to lock your entire body so that your body weight can be distributed evenly. At the slightly doubt, one would tell to bend their knees which would result in the bulk of your body weight resting on the 2 poor guys closing to the desk you are standing on. That would almost guarantee you would fall flat on the ground. I could never trust them enough to lock my body and hence I have always fall landing head first on the ground.

 

Fast forward a decade or so, I seem to be committing the same old mistakes over and over again. Each time I start to build a rapport with a WL, I would screw it up by questioning them, having doubts about everything they say to me. And today, I think I have done the worst act of mistrust by accusing someone of something she didn't do after getting all my facts mixed up. This girl has been extremely kind to me, but yet I could not give her the trust she deserves. Instead I have gone the complete opposite way and questioned every single responses and she had to explain her entire schedule and life to me even though she didn't have to. She's right, I must be crazy now.

 

As each day passes by, I am starting to see a similarity between me and my father. He has always doubted my mother and I always had to tag along if my mum was to head out alone or to my grandma's place. I was essentially an eye witness for my mum that she was not cheating behind my dad's back. Even then, that did not help prevent the arguments and physical violence my mum had to go through. Having police turning up at our home became a norm.

 

Maybe my mum was right all along, I am more like my dad and each mistake I made seems to confirm her view of me.

 

How do WLs learn to trust the clients they see? Considering this industry is all smoke and mirror, how does one know who to trust, be it punters or WL? Is it all a matter of gut feeling or you just hope for the best and not think too hard about it? It sucks to hurt people's feeling and I really want this to stop.

 

Update:

The WL has decided to give me an opportunity to explain myself to her in person (not a booking, just to meet up and have a talk). I rarely make mistake like this (not because I am perfect, but I tend to keep a safe distance from people so I wouldn't do them any harm and vice versa), so i am not sure what do people normally do to make it up to others they have wronged or let down?

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Honestly don't know if I can give you much advice, but if it's any consolation I know what you're talking about. I've had deep-rooted trust issues that've resulted from my childhood and other events that have happened. I guess for me, it's a matter of gut-feeling as to who I trust. First impressions. The best thing I can suggest for you is to sincerely apologise and explain, which I'm assuming you've already done, and just hope for the best and hope that the friendship can be salvaged. And rather than dwelling, focusing and obsessing with the past, look to the future, take active steps to change your behaviour, learn from your lessons and just wish for the best.

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‹(•_•)›Star*Child

Posted

I started to read it and couldn't because your vibe was bringing me down.

Hey, you're turning into another Stevo...

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Trust is a big one.

 

I am used to having my trust abused. Officially by two ex-wives, unofficially by many colleagues, so called friends and others.

 

I still get upset, and I still trust people.

 

I don't get over it.

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HollyInGriffith

Posted

How do WLs learn to trust the clients they see? Considering this industry is all smoke and mirror, how does one know who to trust, be it punters or WL? Is it all a matter of gut feeling or you just hope for the best and not think too hard about it? It sucks to hurt people's feeling and I really want this to stop.

 

 

Me, i am one of those people that trusts EVERYONE.. until they fuck me over..

Its a downfall.. i get hurt alot, but... im not going to change..

Id rather see the good in everyone than the bad. I would hate to have doubt in people.. i dont want people to doubt or not trust me, so i give what i want back..

You could be dead tomorrow.. dont let your last day be one of mistrust in the world :)

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I trust most, it's just in my nature and its a good thing to do, very human; but shit in my face just once.......

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How do WLs learn to trust the clients they see? Considering this industry is all smoke and mirror, how does one know who to trust, be it punters or WL? Is it all a matter of gut feeling or you just hope for the best and not think too hard about it? It sucks to hurt people's feeling and I really want this to stop.

 

 

Me, i am one of those people that trusts EVERYONE.. until they fuck me over..

Its a downfall.. i get hurt alot, but... im not going to change..

Id rather see the good in everyone than the bad. I would hate to have doubt in people.. i dont want people to doubt or not trust me, so i give what i want back..

You could be dead tomorrow.. dont let your last day be one of mistrust in the world :)

 

I want to do that as well, in "peace" time, everything is usually fine, I trust people around me. It's when something that has a negative impact on me (e.g cancellation that I have either wasted time or money, or both), and I have to believe the reason I was provided with. So for all my mistrust incidents have been cancellation if I remember correctly.

 

But I totally agree, I could be dead tomorrow, I don't want my last impression of the world to be tainted by fear and doubts.

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I started to read it and couldn't because your vibe was bringing me down.

Hey, you're turning into another Stevo...

 

I am not sure if I know what you are talking about. But if it's that guy that keep getting laid and complains about it here, I am not sure if turning into him is a bad thing :P

 

Sorry I couldn't have written this entry is a more uplifting tone, I was just really frustrated about things happening lately and I guess this entry was just a way to me to release all the frustration since I don't really have many people I can talk to. Especially over subject matters related to punting. PP is like my only "family" that understands the good and bad of punting.

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I'm very suspicious of some peoples motives, 95% of the time my suspicions are on target so it's hard for me not to have a suspicious/analytical personality at times where history tells me that my calculations and assumptions about people/situations are generally spot on.

 

There is not much advice that anyone here can give you, if you believe it's from childhood it might be best for a referral to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist if they suspect it's a personality disorder. Having you go with your mum to watch her may indeed entrench an unconscious view that you have the "right" to these women and the right to knowing the truth about what they are really doing when they aren't seeing you. By the sounds of it your Dad kept her on a tether against her will and treated her very badly, she tried to free herself and he used use as a watchdog - of course that is going to have an impact on someones personality and emotional maturity as an adult.

 

I think when it comes to things that negatively effect you - it's more "normal" to want to know all of the details and not to trust others, especially if your trust has be broken and you've been hurt before.

 

Working ladies in particular are a group of people that (at times) detest people questioning them. For many their job is revolved around a persona where the unspoken rule is that you do not pry into their life unless they share information with you. You are going to come across many similar problems with ladies, remember the truth can hurt more than the reality most of the time - sometimes it's really better not to know (they got their period, they have the runs, they are fighting with their boyfriend, they broke up with their boyfriend, they had an ugly mug the previous client, you got bumped for someone worth more money to them in the short and/or long run).

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I'm very suspicious of some peoples motives, 95% of the time my suspicions are on target so it's hard for me not to have a suspicious/analytical personality at times where history tells me that my calculations and assumptions about people/situations are generally spot on.

 

There is not much advice that anyone here can give you, if you believe it's from childhood it might be best for a referral to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist if they suspect it's a personality disorder. Having you go with your mum to watch her may indeed entrench an unconscious view that you have the "right" to these women and the right to knowing the truth about what they are really doing when they aren't seeing you. By the sounds of it your Dad kept her on a tether against her will and treated her very badly, she tried to free herself and he used use as a watchdog - of course that is going to have an impact on someones personality and emotional maturity as an adult.

 

I think when it comes to things that negatively effect you - it's more "normal" to want to know all of the details and not to trust others, especially if your trust has be broken and you've been hurt before.

 

Working ladies in particular are a group of people that (at times) detest people questioning them. For many their job is revolved around a persona where the unspoken rule is that you do not pry into their life unless they share information with you. You are going to come across many similar problems with ladies, remember the truth can hurt more than the reality most of the time - sometimes it's really better not to know (they got their period, they have the runs, they are fighting with their boyfriend, they broke up with their boyfriend, they had an ugly mug the previous client, you got bumped for someone worth more money to them in the short and/or long run).

 

 

Thanks for the input but it wasn't quite like what you say. Maybe I didn't make it clear in my entry, sorry about that. My mum was the one who asked me to go with her, hoping that would shut my dad up. We tried leaving my dad once, but unfortunately my mum been a traditional asian housewife had no means to support her 3 kids through college. So we went back after running away from home for a couple of months. Just so you know I am on my mum's side.

 

And yes, I had a seen a WL previously who on the time of the appointment was unreachable via her mobile and I waited around for 30 mins and finally got hold of her. She told me she was delayed in her flight, but thanks to PP, I later realized she was with another client and she let him overstay and made me wait. I didn't know that before I wrote the review, and I cut her some slack in the review and made it positive despite the wait.

 

So if you suspect someone is lying, do you out them or do you just believe your version of the story is right and move on?

 

Maybe I am just tired of being the one waiting and getting booking cancelled, especially if it takes me time to travel and I have already begin my commute. I would actually rather have the truth, if if I am indeed bumped for someone else, let me know so I can make an informed decision and see someone else instead.

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Melbguy,

 

if you are tired of waiting or getting your booking cancelled. See someone else. One of my pet hates is people who complain about their 1st world problems. If you don't like the situation. Do something about it. Don't keep seeing her and then complain afterwards about her delaying the booking or cancelling it.

 

There is soooo many sex workers in Australia. Some workers are more reliable than others who gives a good service. I know 1 worker who.. works in a brothel 5 days a week... 52 weeks a yr for the last 6 yrs. No joke.. . she is never late.. never cancels on a shift... never takes a break or holidays and works even when she is sick as a dog and works when she has her monthly's! She is there rain, hail or shine! There are many sex workers out there who are as dedicated and professional as she is.

 

I don't understand. Instead of complaining or worrying about it. Change the situation. Pick a girl who you know 100% is reliable like the example i gave above.

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Hi FB,

 

Thanks for the input. When I say I am tired of being the one waiting, I am just venting my frustration about the couple of cancellations I had over the past 1-2 years by several different ladies.

 

No offense, but this is punter planet, a forum set up for punters to discuss the good and bad of their punting experience. If you don't want to read about the bad, or the 1st "problems" then you shouldn't have logged it. People didnt join this forum to share pictures or letters from their sponsored child or the charity they are donating to. For many, punter planet is their only place to share their punting stories.

 

You complaining about my vent is like logging onto a IT forum telling people not to complain about any computer problems they have which I would consider first world problems.

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Melbguy1980, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I think you are taking this all way too seriously, and it is affecting you in an unhealthy way! Punting is meant to be fun, you are meant to get enjoyment out of it.. And to be honest, the only thing that seems as though you are getting out of it is immense confusion!

 

Why did the WL need to explain her schedule and life to you? Did you think she was lying about why she could not see you? Did you accuse her of that? If that is the case, unless you are one of my closest regs, those kind of questions and accusations would have freaked me out slightly.. I will wait for your response to those question in case I am on the wrong track..

 

Hope you are feeling better than you were when all of this took place :)

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Who would you "out" them to? I don't make accusations about people unless I know for sure and have evidence to support my theories.

 

Why you are rescheduled is none of your business. I don't see how you "know" that a client from PP was overstaying when she claims she was held up at the airport. Can't think of a review that states the date and exact time they saw her.

 

Would you have preferred to have known she had trouble getting the last client out (no girl wants/encourages a client to over stay when she has another afterward) and that you were getting sloppy seconds? The truth was better for you both.

 

I agree with Nia, you take things way too seriously. You're seriously going to end up on an ugly mug list if you continue with your pedantic bordering on stalkerish behaviour.

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By the way MelbGuy1980, having reservations about falling into a crowd of people and hoping you land right doesn't mean you have trust issue.... it just means you know there is a risk of hurting yourself in a physical way.

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Thanks for all the inputs. I agree with Nia that I am taking things too seriously that punting has become more damaging than it used to be fun for me. Thanks for reminding that (and I meant it in a good way :) ). To Nia, you are not wrong, I was an idiot I admit. Hence my effort in writing this entry trying to understand myself and why I made such a terrible mistake. All inputs have been valuable to help understand my thought process.

 

I think i will stick to my casual rnt and parlour which I never had an issue with cancellations. Dealing with privates is too complicated for me. Especially if they tell me something which I have to decide whether I should trust them or not. All of them give me full reason why they had to cancel without me asking. That's when it gets difficult for me. I don't want to not trust them, or pretend to trust them. I don't like to have negative impression of people or doubts in them and pretend to be their good friend in their presence.

 

To Emma, but that's what all the team building lead tells me, that if I have reservation, that means I don't trust them (i.e. trust issue). So maybe that isn't a good team building exercise after all since it requires one to potentially compromise one's safety in order to develop trust?

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........Well done Melbguy you have gained a gold star and are welcomed into Emma's club of "seeing things how they are". lol.

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........Well done Melbguy you have gained a gold star and are welcomed into Emma's club of "seeing things how they are". lol.

 

 

Eh... I take it I should "see" your comment as how it is then and there is no sarcasm involved?

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Melbguy , I agree with some of the comments here , try not to read into some explanations you receive from WLs who may cancel or change or whatever the circumstance , just enjoy the ride :). I too have realised WL's who have fibbed about circumstance to me , I view it as they are trying doing to do the best for all and maybe just maybe sometimes they are even protecting us punters feelings .

As a famous footy coach once said , Don't think , Do !

Happy Punting

Mav

 

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Gabrielle Káigh

Posted

I have not read anything above but put simply private working girls are often very busy people who are dealing with a lot of bullshit and douchbags eg. men texting and calling 100 times at 4 am etc. There are gem punters out there but generally we love guys that are straight to the point and dont bullshit. A guy who is going to be wishy washy and playing mind games and doesnt really tell us what they want, are more trouble then it is worth. There is only so many times you can suck it up and smile... there comes a point you would rather cut ties and not have to be running around to satisfy someone with other the top demands...... especially when there are so many men who are straight to the point, perfect gentlemen and so easily satisfied. Girls want clients that are easy to deal with.

 

I think some men are more emotionally confused then women, working girls dont really want to work outside the booking, you come.. you cum and them you go, that is it. If you want to pay someone to jump through hoops and pretend to be your best friend or girlfriend, try a cash desperate sugarbabe.

 

I agree, stick with parlours... the buzzer rings, you have to leave and you can't contact the girl. :)

 

Also another tip, take it or leave it, people like people who are positive. I like to surround myself with positive people, to lift my spirits, give me hope and make me happy - why? I am selfish, like everyone else I respond to things that reward me. Be negative and you are bringing people's spirits down.

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While I understand why you would want to ask people within this forum the "big" questions so you can place the backstory into context amongst others who may understand the nuances, take it from me Melbguy, if you are asking those questions here, you are really walking the wrong side of the street.

 

A bigger bunch of messed up, broken individuals you could not find even if you tried - me included. No one here is qualified to answer that question and no one should try.

 

If you want to address the real issues - see a professional. If you want advice on how better to behave when seeing a lady, then ask THAT question - am sure the ladies would be more than happy to give tips.

 

Get some help. Seriously. You'll be glad you did.

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Uh, these are people who you are presumably paying to spend time with you. Doesn't sound like the sort of relationship where you should be investing a lot of trust let alone getting upset over.

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I'm with SC, I read the first and last bit, koz the rest got me down. We're not your shrinks honey. Maybe you should seek a professional opinion. Could be really beneficial for you in the long run, than harshing everyone's mellow on a punting forum.

Trust for me though, is about my instincts. They very rarely lead me astray. Maybe you're not listening to your gut....

 

Good luck.

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