Today has been the most frustrating day of my life. I paid a heavy price for a personal flaw that has affected every single punter-WL relationship I had. Trust, how do people learn to trust others?
I remember when I was young, we had to do this team building exercise where one is supposed to stand on a class room desk, back facing all your peers, and let yourself fall backwards trusting your mates will catch you and not let you fall and land on the ground. It was one of the most daunting experience for me, as the key to ensure your mates can catch you properly was to lock your entire body so that your body weight can be distributed evenly. At the slightly doubt, one would tell to bend their knees which would result in the bulk of your body weight resting on the 2 poor guys closing to the desk you are standing on. That would almost guarantee you would fall flat on the ground. I could never trust them enough to lock my body and hence I have always fall landing head first on the ground.
Fast forward a decade or so, I seem to be committing the same old mistakes over and over again. Each time I start to build a rapport with a WL, I would screw it up by questioning them, having doubts about everything they say to me. And today, I think I have done the worst act of mistrust by accusing someone of something she didn't do after getting all my facts mixed up. This girl has been extremely kind to me, but yet I could not give her the trust she deserves. Instead I have gone the complete opposite way and questioned every single responses and she had to explain her entire schedule and life to me even though she didn't have to. She's right, I must be crazy now.
As each day passes by, I am starting to see a similarity between me and my father. He has always doubted my mother and I always had to tag along if my mum was to head out alone or to my grandma's place. I was essentially an eye witness for my mum that she was not cheating behind my dad's back. Even then, that did not help prevent the arguments and physical violence my mum had to go through. Having police turning up at our home became a norm.
Maybe my mum was right all along, I am more like my dad and each mistake I made seems to confirm her view of me.
How do WLs learn to trust the clients they see? Considering this industry is all smoke and mirror, how does one know who to trust, be it punters or WL? Is it all a matter of gut feeling or you just hope for the best and not think too hard about it? It sucks to hurt people's feeling and I really want this to stop.
The WL has decided to give me an opportunity to explain myself to her in person (not a booking, just to meet up and have a talk). I rarely make mistake like this (not because I am perfect, but I tend to keep a safe distance from people so I wouldn't do them any harm and vice versa), so i am not sure what do people normally do to make it up to others they have wronged or let down?