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The rant of a crazy man


playwithme

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Ok I'm alone and pissed off about it and just about everything else in life at the moment.

Day after day after day it's the same thing, no friends, no partner. I've tried everything and nothing, work sucks, even the FUCKING Olympics suck.

The thoughts in my head are not positive, I try to change them and they take over destroying everything, a nice guy with nothing positive going for him, that's me. I've tried to be a bastard but I cant do that right because I worry too much about what I did. The voice keeps saying, "you can't do that why try" So I don't.

You have no idea how it feels, trapped with no light shinning through and if a glimmer peaks through it gets snuffed out. I am talking to someone about this but the more I bring it up the more I tend to think about it and the worse it gets.

The only ones who listen or seem to give a shit are the ones I pay, Dr's and WL's, that is a sad comment on my world and a bit of an insight to how I feel.

Is it better to keep going this way or do something drastic? I don't know, I do know this however that after 44 years I've had enough and I've hit the wall. The only times I have a slightest bit of pleasure is with a wonderful WL but even that is starting to wear off and punts are becoming longer between times of having them and as i said before it's paid for not genuine.

 

You know what really pisses me off is the the fact that I'm feeling this way and I don't drink/ smoke or do drugs to change things for a short time at least. I want to just let go and get off my face but the brain wont even let me do that. All that it lets me do is eat bbq shapes, how pathetic am i?

 

I'm worried that at some stage it will get the better of me and that's it, weeks will pass before anyone even knows I'm missing. I have gone through periods of weeks where I have not spoken to anyone and no one has contacted me :(

 

Words seem meaning less to me at the moment, I've heard it all before. A genuine hug, a kiss would mean more to me than anything but how do I know it is genuine? How do I know if people care, friends don't and no offense WL are paid and only know you for a couple of hours. so where do I go from here? Who knows, I hope forward but other options are looking good at the moment.

 

Bye

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Not good to read you're feeling so down. I think you should start concentrating on what you actually have, which is probably taken for granted, things like health, a standard of living which is better than many other people around the world... and above all, your independence, that you are probably looking at it but only from the least favourable angle. But you should embrace it and enjoy it. You can do whatever you wish to do at any given time. Things that you may be desiring, may turn into a burden soon enough after you get them.

 

Look around you, and see that no-one is happy all the time, enviable relationships tend to go to the dogs these days. I think people picture some sort of ideal life, which is actually quite false as a concept. Even if this sort of environment, the online world, is not fulfilling enough, try new things, new hobbies, enrol in some courses, arts, writing, languages, photography, etc. As I said, make the best of your independence. You are 44, that's only half a lifetime these days.

 

Cheer up, everything is just idealization, when the basic needs like food, shelter and health are covered.

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You are not alone my friend. Many of us are in similar but different boats.

 

Skip the cliches, other than look after yourself.

 

Trust me, it gets worse the older you get!

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Taylor Alexander

Posted

When i feel shit about things..... I do something for someone else. Try getting out there and joining groups eg: charity work.

You will meet people ( new friends who give a shit) and maybe even a lady whom will see the real you.

When you help others you are actually helping yourself.

Get out in the sunlight, take of your sunnies and get about 20 mins of sunlight in your eyes it actually makes the brain produce serotonin to produce a possitive feeling .

Try going to a gym and working out your frustration..... Believe me it works.

 

When you omit a possitive attitude others want to be around you and feed off it. No one wants to be around someone who has that negative vibe as it has the effect to bring them down, hense people stay away.

 

Every person is a unique wonderful creature in their own way.....time to put

your life to use , make it work for you and before you know it things will change.

Having a partner dosnt make you a valued person ...you make yourself a valued by being you and being the best you can be.

The comments about the Wl situation...... We actually do give a damm about you guys and yes we maybe only there for an hour but dont think we dont care.

I have listened to guys problems when they have needed someone to talk to....and 50% of them i have never seen.

Andy is right there is always someone in the world far worse off than anyone of us.

So babe find your passion..... And you will have a different outlook soon enough, write a list off things you want and go after them

 

Thinking of you .

 

Xx

Taylor

 

 

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Hey playwithme ,

You are not alone mate , my circumstances are similar , last three years have been shit. Divorced , three small kids , horrible ex wife , and to boot have had life threatening issues in last 6 months. I have been very down at times , sometimes lonely , admitedley I have three great kids to spend time with when I get too. When I don't have them it's like the rug has been pulled and it's easy to withdraw.

Like AndyJ says look for the positives in life , are there any friends or family you can talk to.....sometimes if you have been thro some event they withdraw from you because they don't know themselves how to deal with it , so its easy not to.

I know its a cliche , take one day at a time , try to do things you like to do in life , whether gym , gardening , going out to particular places , hobby whatever , concentrate on those positives and your life may change. I find heartening to me , is there is always someone much worse off in this world , it helps me to buck up....

I have been lucky enough to have had a couple of WL's from this forum be kind to me and listen , they know who they are :) , and at times they prob curse me for being a little PIA , but know my intentions in right place. They are laughing about now lol.....

Tomorrow the sun will come up , it's a new day :)......PM me if you want to chat , happy too :)

Mav

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Cookiemonster

Posted

mate you are not alone. some of the most envyable people are in the same boat as us. they look cool n calm on the outside but in reality their life is in turmoil. as has been said the sun will shine tomorrow, take each day as it comes. i'm 42 and feel exatly the same, i have little family, my friends are all in other states, and also a "loner", but have started the gym and starting to feel better about me. sometimes all we need to do is ring a friend/ mate and just say "hi".

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Tommiethetank

Posted

Ok. Mate. I told my wife in january it was over. 3 children. I've been.living in the dining room now since then in a fold out bed. I get crap from her. Bu. Whyt that's fine. Why. Because im.the prick, cunt, that destroyed her life and my children's life. I have to.live with that. It kills me to know that. But, forr me to.be a better father, i have to leave.

 

You see. I am.miserable in this relationship. I will.become bitter in this relationship. Shw doe not deserve that. I respect her too much to.allow tnat. If i becime bitter towards her, what kind if fatjer will i.become. i have sefn escorys rather than dezl.with tne secual issues we had. Now i cant deal.with them.nor do i want to. My perceltion are that she rejects mw. I have nkt asked hwr why. She says she has issues.but i.will not ask.her to explain. Its too painfull to her. I.love her but i cant go.on in this.

 

Nothing is insurmountable. Find the positive.I have. I am.destroying their immediate lives. But if I stay I will destroy their future, and hers. And I will not be responsible for that. I will absorb everything for them. And for her too.why, because thats the leastbi can.do. they are my girls, my children, she is my wife, soon to be ex wife, but I love her still. Will always love her. But I have to go, to stop becoming bitter. I will if I continue on. U know myself.

 

The only people who.know are pp. I.am.anonymous. and a fee select people. We choose happy mate. I do. I will be happy. Why, because I choose it, cmd I will be fucking happy. This past 8 months has been.my lowest in my life. Also for irjer reasons which will remain private. But fuk me, I will be positive, I will be happy. Because I owe that to me, my wife, my friends, my family and most importantly of all, my girls. Even if they hate me, will never tell them.why I am.leaving, as that may make them.think ill if their mother, and that is unacceptable. They can.blame me, but not her. I will absorb all the guilt, all the pain, all the hurt! Why, because u choose ti.leave and I, yes. I will sacrifice myself for them

 

I dont come first, they come first, even her, my wife. My time for hapuness will come, but its not time yet.

 

Prioritise whats important inc choose happy. Because I do. Happy is good

 

Tommiethetank

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OK, hope this doesn't come across the wrong way.

 

All of this discussion is about relationship / head problems. Without wanting to put people down - there are plenty of options to look at this, from The Shed, Lifeline and BeyondBlue, to local community groups. It's up to "you" to get out and do something, get your life back together (as some people say they are doing).

 

I'm in the group whose problem is physical - doc says my body won't last until Christmas, no "fix" available.

 

I know which group I would prefer to be in.

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Hi playwithme. Thanks for having the courage in sharing youre feelings mate and the way you have been thinking.! I immediately thought shit poor bastard. As myself and a lot of others in the commuity have been or are going through similar issues in theire own lives. So never feel you are alone.

 

I personnally have also experienced the dark and unfortunate side of life.(Like so many many others). So mate I can personnaly offer my condolences. Thou this post is not about me I will just offer my positive thoughts.

 

I no youre post was a few weeks back now. So I hope you're feeling more positive and better about yourself today.?

 

Great too see a few replies from others expressing theire thoughts. Trust me mate none of us lives a fairy tale life that is perfect or even close too it.!

 

Andy J made some good points and offered some sound advice. Always helps me to look and focus only on the positive and ways I can improve myself.! You mentioned you dont smoke or drink.? So sounds like you are probably in good health.? Such a positive and also my personal no1 prority.! (Lucky those of us to posess good health.)

 

From theire you have many options in life. From work,exercise,social. Joining a gym, has helped me so much. Set some small term goals. (Makes you feel great when you achieve them. Personnaly rewarding,confidence building.)

 

Important to talk too with a great friend/s and sometimes family members. Professional commuity organisations helping with depression,suicide and counsellors,psychologists can all offer help if you seek it.

 

Try new things and experiences. One may often be surprised even if you dont think it may be for you.!

 

Inspiration from others. This can come from work/life /social balance. Volunteer 1 day of youre life to work with people with a dissability. Take a walk through a childrens cancer patient ward . Trust me it makes you realise how bloody lucky we really are.!

 

Exercise if you can. Its the best naturall endorphin release. Makes you feel good and does you good. Band aid approaches like drugs and alcohol are a short term release with long term negative consequences.! Alcohol in moderation yeh sure nothing wrong with that.!

 

Even a career change or Retraining in a different area can make a real positive influence to the way you feel about yourself.!

 

All the best for the future.

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