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My New Career As A Hooker - I Need Your Advice With My Ad


FlexiSexi

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Dear friends, punters and countrymen, lend me your ears. Thanks in advance for your constructive assistance. I'm after a change to my day job and happened on to this great idea. A couple of guys and gals I know think it has legs. My mate said my idea missed out by 30 years and 3 inches, not sure what she meant but anyway, here is a first crack at an ad. What do you reckon folks?

 

 

 

 

Do you miss your old man? Check out Flexi's "Surrogate Hubby" special. Everything included, no more to pay. Be taken back to the good old days when you and your man were in that comfortable zone.

 

Start the forgettable occasion with a special picnic hamper of boutique potato crisps and bottle of ice cold Guinness all prepared lovingly fresh by myself. During the romantic snack you'll be able to watch highlights of the 2007, 2009 or 2011 AFL grand final (you even get to choose which one) while you are smothered in veiled criticism and tacky insults about your family to make you feel relaxed and fully adapted to the situation.

 

Then the real fun begins. Depending on your desires you may chose the realistic husband experience (RHE) or the dirty old man experience (DOME) both come complete with BBBJTC accompanied by bouts of loud snoring. As I catch a few zzzzzz's getting ready for Round 2, feel free to cum as many times as you want, courtesy of my little battery powered friend, no more to pay.

 

Freely available at my discretion are DFK, rimming, anal, BBDATY, foot fetish, eye fetish, nose fetish (any fetish really) and GS. The only thing I do have to charge a little extra for (sorry girls) is post-coital listening.

 

I usually don't discriminate based on age or race although YMMV.

 

Bring along a GF with no more to pay (if she's hotter than you).

 

All fantasies catered for. I can be naughty or nice, or if it captures your imagination, a particularly grumpy old cunt. I just want it to be good for you girls so ask me anything. I don't bite *giggles*. To help the realism of the RHE and bring back your man for a few special moments, your most personal requests will go in one ear and out the other.

 

This special treat is all yours for just $2,195.95 shag away, no more to pay, for as long as you want me to stay. And be assured of my personal guarantee to each and every one of you, I will stay with you until you beg me to leave.

 

FAQ

Q May I have a discount?

A Please don't ask for a discount as I find that terribly rude and insulting. Even the very thought of such rudeness makes me cringe. Do you think that this is just a business transaction? Would you ask for a discount when you buy a used car? Would you ask for keener rates when you make a deposit at your bank? Would you ask your plumber to sharpen his pencil when he clears your pipes? No I thought not. Now come on.

 

Q Do you take major credit cards?

A Do you think I'm that organised?

 

Q Will you send me a photo?

A Do you think I'm an idiot?

 

Q Do you accept cheques?

A See previous answer.

 

Q Will you travel to Tasmania?

A See previous answer.

 

Q Are you hung like a horse?

A What I can say is this, I once caused a mare to rear up on her hind legs and whinny.

 

Q But are you hung like a horse?

A Many women have confided in me, that having me shag them has been a painful experience.

 

Q Do you have a hot bod?

A I have lumps in all the right places.

 

Q What if you can't get it up?

A I told you it would be realistic.

 

Q Do you have any limits?

A No, the richer, the better.

 

Q What gifts do you like to receive?

A Gifts are not necessary girls, unless you insist, in which case beachfront properties, small Pacific islands, Clint Eastward's Gran Torino, a comedic training program complete with personal tutor

12 Comments


Recommended Comments

Kelly Raines

Posted

LOL Flexi...!!!

 

I chuckled so hard reading your ad... you funny fukka... hehehehehe...

 

Good luck with your new career choice.. I hope it goes well for you.

 

Kell

xxxx

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Thanks Kell, appreciate the feedback.

 

Also, I forgot to mention a very generous one time offer of a discount of 15% off my standard rate to all PP gals. Do hurry ladies as my diary is filling fast.

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Megan Delaney

Posted

Nose fetish lol

 

I actually think you'd make an excellent straight acting male 2 male escort

 

You'd make loads

Link to comment

A very surprising suggestion Megan - I wonder where that came from. :unsure:

 

Anyway, thanks for reading it, I hope you got a smile. :o

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Gabrielle Káigh

Posted

Sounds like a great punt! :)

 

I ll lie naked infront of you, and I'll finally get some rest!

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Fucking hilarious!! I don't think you'd have the market cornered for long mate...........

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I am cheating

Posted

Fuckin funny Flexi. I tried not to look too amused while reading this cause the "bread Knife" would get suspicious of what i am looking at on my puter.

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