Helpless, feeling bad
Entry posted by Charlie
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Got the text message late in the afternoon.
"If I commit suicide are you sad or not?"
Then a few seconds later.
"I'm tired of my life"
So, like a drowned kitten, I frantically text back all sorts of reassuring texts.
She lives in another city, hours away by plane.
No answer at all.
I try again, I ring and leave voice mail messages. I offer air tickets and a "holiday" for a few days.
I feel hopelessly helpless. I am stunned by the brevity of her "crie de couer". Part of me thinking that she is just wanting some sympathy. The rest of me terrified of that black screaming silence. I really do know how she may be feeling. I hope she is still ok, alive, maybe.
How do I cope? Can I do anything? If I ring the Police, I don't even know her address, and she just moved rooms. Oh, lord her son back home. This cannot be really happening. Who can I tell? They will just think I am an old idiot. If she wanted to terminate our mostly platonic relationship, then just say so. I know "loss of face" is a big deal for asians. No request for money. Nothing.
So I texted one of the more experienced W/L that I am priveleged to have met and she suggested a police welfare check. Never heard of it. But in desperation I emailed NSW Police and filled out the form.
Today, I noticed that six messages were "delivered" by my phone. Odd really.
But still no calls from her.
Its now several days, nothing has changed. My brain is numb.
Relax, today she rang me, clearly upset, her voice was shaky, but she is "ok", she said that she did not pay her account. I offered to send her money, she declined. She is ok.
She is ok.
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